A Mother's Love and His Love

As cliche as it might be, we've all heard it several times..."You never understand how much your parents love you until you have a child of your own." I think it must be true. I am sure I still don't really understand, but I am beginning to grasp it more and more. I have always had a close relationship with my parents and been grateful for that. I have worked with kids and had a love for children for many years. So I kind of thought I got it. But it's different. You begin to realize the sacrifices your parents made for you in order for you to just simply be in this world, much less provide for you, and make you feel incredibly loved. When I look at Mathew or watch him sleeping peacefully, I am just overcome with the amount of love I feel for him. I knew I would love him, but nothing can describe the intensity! I adore taking care of him and making him feel loved each and every day. Even at this young age I think he knows just how much his mama loves him.

Often, love for parents and children comes full circle. Children grow up and parents age and the child ends up being a caretaker to the parent in that final stage. I witnessed one of my grandmother's take care of her ailing mother until the very end. Now unfortunately that same grandmother has reached the point in her life where she can no longer independently care for herself and now my mother has helped assume this role. I know my mom wouldn't have it any other way, but I also can imagine it's extremely hard on her emotionally. Of course we want to see our parents be as comfortable and happy as possible and repay them for all the years they took care of and provided for us. But, how sad to put yourself in the role of caretaker of your own parent...the person you looked to for strength and guidance now suddenly depends on you. It's just sad, no doubt it.

Then, there are those that lose children all too early. Anytime to lose a child is too early in my opinion. It's so hard to make sense of it. This weekend marks the anniversary of the death of a childhood friend of mine. His mother is my friend too....more than a friend actually. Almost like a second mother in some sorts. She is an extremely special person in my life. Her love for her children is evident in her everyday life. She lost one of her children so suddenly and so tragically seven years ago. I can't even begin to comprehend her pain. I am sure she is plagued with her days of grief and doubt, but from my view her love for her child and her Lord must give her the strength to persevere. Some time after the death of her child, I told her of a song I heard that made me think of her. It's by one of my favorite artists, Natalie Grant. The night after Mathew was born she called me and she reminded me of that song. The lyrics are below:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
This is what it means to be held.....

The night she left me that message I was so extremely fearful that I could possibly lose my own child that I had longed for so badly. I'll never come even close to knowing her pain, but I think I felt a tiny glimpse of it that first day after Mathew's birth and I pray that it's something I will never have to feel again. But these song lyrics are so true. When everything else in our life falls around us, there is One that still holds us and there is nothing like it.

I know that her child is being held by Him now until his mother can touch him again. I know that she is held by Him in her weakest moments. I know that He holds my grandmother as she is weakened and facing uncertainty. I pray that He holds my mother as she tries to be strong for her mother, but is still a scared daughter herself. I know that He held me in my scariest moments as a new mother with a sick child.

A mother's love is amazing. What wouldn't she do for her child? Mother's hold us and comfort us unlike any other humanly being. Sometimes we forget and sometimes it unfortunately takes our weakest moments to make us realize it, but someone else holds us too.