Sigh of Relief

Yesterday morning couldn't have started off any better!  I received a phone call from the doctor's office before 8AM and immediately upon hearing the nurse's voice I could tell she had good news.  They were hoping to see my hcg level double, but instead it nearly tripled!!  I misunderstood though; I thought they were testing the progesterone again and they hadn't.  That was a bit disappointing, but from what I understand, if that level were dropping rapidly more than likely the hcg would as well, so all indicators seem to be pointing towards the encouraging side.  Now we have to wait 1 1/2 weeks and pray for a heartbeat at our 7 week ultrasound.  I am still extremely cautiously optimistic, but we are both breathing a big sigh of relief regarding this good news.

Another recent sigh of relief (not that we were too worried) was MJ's speech and hearing evaluation shortly before our trip to St. Louis for Easter.  I was so impressed with Keystone AEA.  They did a great job working with him and I was so proud of the way he cooperated.  He did not qualify for speech services at this time.  He fell within the range of normal verbal skills.  He was on the low end of average, but the speech pathologist did not seem overly concerned in any way.  She provided me with some great tips to use at home, and MJ really is trying more and more words.  She also really encouraged us not to worry about pronunciation at this point.  The little bit of a surprise was that while MJ did pass the majority of the hearing evaluations, he failed the hearing test on his left ear.  He's at a high risk for hearing problems due to the extreme amount of antibiotics in the NICU, so I guess it wasn't a complete shock, but neither of us have felt like he has any issues with hearing at all.  There's a possibility that it could be a fluke, so we'll be going back in 6 months to have it retested. 

One last sigh of relief came yesterday as I completed the final phase of my interview process at Clarke University.  I spent another 3.5 hours with them.  It has been one of the longest and intense, but yet best interview processes that I have ever been through.  I have such a great feeling about Clarke's education department and can really see myself fitting in there.  My gut is beginning to speak to me louder and louder though and I am feeling like it's probably not the best choice for me at this exact time.  The good news is that I have been very open and honest with them and they have with me as well.  I feel like things could not have went any better, and regardless of the immediate outcome I have a good feeling that somewhere down the road, if we stay in Dubuque, Clarke will become the place for me!  They have not made a decision yet, but I have a feeling I will probably be hearing from them next week.  In some ways I am hoping that the job is not offered and then I'm not faced with the decision.  Of course it would hurt the ego a tad, but I am really relaxing about it a bit more and having faith that everything will fall into place.

We are sooo incredibly ready for a weekend!  After traveling last week, the pregnancy news, and all that's been going on with work, our home is need of some TLC and we could use a little down time too.  Mat and I have a nice date planned for tomorrow and I have been daydreaming about it all week!  Our favorite sitter is coming over at 4, so I know MJ will be beyond excited to see her and we'll be very ready for some time to unwind.  Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!!

Deep Breath

You know how sometimes you just tell yourself, "I just need to make it through this week and then everything will be less stressful?"  Well, I feel like I've been saying that for several weeks in a row.  Between mom's cancer treatments, my job interviews, work presentations, beginning teaching my first class online, etc. etc. it seems never ending.  I am saying it one more time this week and then I am REALLY thinking next week will be easier.  I hate to ever wish a day away, but I am kinda wishing I could fast forward through tomorrow.  I expect to hear back about my blood work in the morning, have an interview with the Provost of Clarke University in the morning as well, then off to observe at a school as another part of my job interview process, and then have a big afternoon at work at my current job at Loras!  If I do receive bad news in the morning by chance, I guess the one good thing is that I won't have any time to cry or dwell on it.  If I receive good news, then it should be the boost I need to get through the day!  I know I am whining.  We certainly all have busy lives and I am no more special than anyone else.  Just really ready to get some clarity regarding my future job, a better idea of where this pregnancy is headed, and feel back in control of my household (ick, things are getting dirty and I am too tired to care)!  Oh yea, and post some cute Easter pics of MJ!  :) 

Hoping and praying for good news to share tomorrow!

Didn't See This One Coming...

So, just when I was about to blog about the new nursery we have set up for a foster child this summer, we got an unexpected surprise...

Timing is interesting, huh?  I could ramble on forever about how my head is spinning just trying to wrap my mind around all this!  SURE did not see this one coming.  In fact, for about the first time ever I was  pretty darn clueless about my cycle this month.  Yes, I know that is probably TMI for some, but as a girl who has had to track every little thing for many years, it's just kind of ingrained in my brain to know about when I ovulate and when my period is due.  This month though, I've been so consumed with work presentations, interviewing, company visiting,  and final homepreparations for a foster child, that it truly did not cross my mind at all!  Yea yea, please keep your comments to yourself about "see what happens when you stop trying!"  Ahhh, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that one, I'd be a rich girl!  ;) 

To make a long story short, I realized I was a couple days late about the time I was wondering if I was getting a stomach bug or just feeling queasy...and then I began to wonder!  So, on Good Friday I took a test and POSITIVE!  Holy cow!  Sooooo many emotions!  Just when I felt like I had really made peace with the losses and was excited to begin this journey as foster parents.  Of course, this is a huge blessing and I will be extremely excited if this pregnancy is viable, BUT facing another loss right now would seem devastating and take me right back to that dark place I've worked so hard to come out of! 

In the past, we've been a little more quiet about the pregnancies, but in the end we ended up telling our friends and family after the miscarriages anyway, so this time we are taking a new approach.  PRAYERS PLEASE!!!!  You can't pray and send positive thoughts if you don't know, so I am sharing the news early this time. 

I was out of town of course when we found out, but called the doctor's office first thing yesterday and they scheduled me to come in that afternoon.  I know the numbers are kind of boring for some, but at a late 4 weeks, my hcg was 328.  This is in the normal range for this time period, even a bit on the higher end, which is all I could possibly ask for.  During my most recent miscarriage, my hcg was at 6, and that's when they told me it was just a matter of days, so this is WAY better than that!  Once again though, my progesterone is low.  Progesterone and I do not get along apparently.  I am starting to think I need an IV drip of this hormone!  LOL  They like to see it above 20 at least, and mine is 14.  The positive news though is that the last two pregnancies it was at 10 and 9, so 14 is of course better!  I have to start on progesterone support today and will need to stay on that until 12 weeks, assuming we can make it that far.  I go in tomorrow at 4PM for repeat blood work.  We should see that the hcg level has nearly doubled and hopefully the progesterone will have risen a little bit.  I'm also scheduled for an early ultrasound in two weeks where they will hope to see a gestational sac and a heartbeat.  Sooo for now, we wait (the hardest part), pray, and take good care of myself. 

More updates to come....

This and That

Life has been anything but dull lately.  We've definitely been keeping busy, so a few things to catch up on...

We had visitors again last weekend.  Having friends visit two weekends in a row was so wonderful!  It's no secret that the hardest thing for me living here has been the lack of close friendships, so getting some time to visit with another girlfriend, her hubby, and sweet baby girl was just what I needed!  My friend Shannon and her family came to visit us from Chicago.  It's the perfect distance for an easy weekend get-away.  If we both stay living in the Midwest, I see lots of family visits in our future.  LOVE it! 

While they visited we were able to take the kiddos to the park and play outside.  How sweet is this?!

Makena is cute as can be.  She's a little over a year old now and her mama dresses her in the most adorable girly outfits.  She's so laid back and a good baby!  If I ever have a girl, Shannon will be one of my number 1 go-to gals!  We hadn't really seen MJ around younger babies much now that he's more and more into the toddler phase.  We were so pleased to see how gentle and kind he was with her and willing to share all his toys.  I think he only pushed her out of the way once!  ha!  It was reassuring to see how he acted towards her and the lack of jealousy he showed anytime we'd play with her or hold her.  Hopefully this keeps up! 

We were also lucky enough to get another double date night...two weekends in a row, we're on a roll!!  Since my birthday had just passed and Shannon's was coming up, we decided to head to Star Brewery for some yummy birthday deserts.  Then, we headed down to the Stone Cliff Winery to hear some live music and enjoy a bottle of wine together.  Shannon is expecting her second baby now, so she was sipping on water.  What a great sport!  :) 

In other news, mom just wrapped up the end of her radiation.  This week she had radiation twice per day for 5 days.  Poor thing is quite worn out I think, but she seemed to do so well through it all!  I really wish I could have been there to help and be with her, but unfortunately it just didn't work out.  Can't wait to see her later this week and give her a huge hug!  What a survivor she is!  Thanks for the prayers and encouragement for her and our family! 

My brother is graduating this weekend from University of Florida with his MBA.  So proud of him and also wishing I could be there to celebrate!  Apparently I need several clones, so I can be with everyone but also take care of my work and family.  Hmmm...how does one go about doing that?  My parents were planning to be there for Jeff's graduation, but unfortunately they had to cancel due to the obvious reason.  Jeff has worked quite hard these last couple years and I couldn't be happier for my big brother and his accomplishment.  Go Gators!  ;)  (sorry, Mat)

I've been keeping quite busy with work related things lately.  Yesterday I presented at my first ever professional conference.  I co-presented with an education professor from Loras at the Early Literacy and Reading Recovery Conference at University of Northern Iowa in Cedar Falls.  It was a great experience, but I will admit I'm glad it's behind me and I can breathe a sigh of relief.  I'm also beginning my first course as faculty for Ashford University in less than a week.  I'll be teaching an Early Childhood Cultural Diversity class online, so I've been busy prepping and gathering materials for this.  Of course, I also had my interview last week at Clarke University.  It couldn't have went any better!  It was quite intense...3 hours total, but I left feeling GREAT about it!   I got such great feedback, and really hit it off with several of the professors that I met.  Honestly, I'm still up in the air if it's really what I want but am continuing to hope and pray that it works out as it's meant to be.  I really felt like I would hear something this past week, but I haven't.  That doesn't seem like a great sign to me, but we'll see what happens.  I am under the impression that it's down to myself and one other candidate.  To be continued, I suppose...

MJ has been doing great these last couple weeks. His verbal skills have really taken off recently!  His speech and hearing evaluation is already set up for this coming Tuesday, but I can't believe the progress we've been seeing in the last 5-7 days!  He's begun saying several two and even three word phrases now, which seems encouraging to us!  Some of his favorites are "bye, bye ball" (he had never said the words "bye bye" until this past week), "eat cookie", and "ohh yea".  He continues to delve more and more into toddler hood.  For the most part he's quite a happy and content little guy that is eager to please, but boy when those temper tantrums come on it's often a mystery to me!  I decided to take him out to breakfast one morning this week by myself on our way to school.  Everything was going perfect and we were enjoying a nice little breakfast.  Somehow he got frustrated with his yogurt and then it all went downhill QUICKLY from there.  He threw the biggest fit in public yet!  I finally just threw in the towel and tried to carry him out to the car.  He was flailing so bad though that I had to set him down for a minute and that's when he decided to throw himself on the ground in protest.  Ohhh yes, in the middle of the parking lot!  I was definitely that mom getting all the stares that morning.  Oh how I remember the thoughts I use to have when I'd see a parent look totally frustrated and in lack of control of their own child.  Now I can sympathize and realize we all have those moments at one point or another.  Gotta take the lows with the highs I suppose, right??  Luckily the tantrum passed as soon as we took off in the car. 

Last but not least, I've been like a kid in a candy store lately playing with my new Silhouette SD.  I used my birthday money to buy this for myself.  My inner crafty girl is coming out more and more.  I love having my own work space up in our new master bedroom (more to share on that later).  It's becoming my little haven to work on my own hobbies, and I am REALLY enjoying it.  I've made a couple super cute things this weekend, and will share some pics later.  I can't wait to learn more and more about how to use it and discover some more cute things to make! 

As we celebrate Palm Sunday and approach Easter Week, I am humbled my the ultimate sacrifice.  Who am I to receive such a wonderful gift? I look forward to celebrating the Easter holiday with both our families this coming weekend!

Where Shalt Thou Work?!

A couple of years ago I would never really imagined I'd be wondering what type of career I wanted in the near future!  I never really saw myself as a stay-at-home mom.  I had a career I loved and felt passionate about.  I always thought working part-time once I had children sounded pretty ideal, but there aren't many good teaching jobs that are part-time, so it never really seemed like much of an option.  When I was pregnant with MJ, I planned on taking 12 weeks of maternity leave, then having a nice summer off with him, and then returning to teaching that next fall.  I'd toured day cares, even decided on one, and thought I was set.  Then, Iowa fell in our laps out of nowhere!  I had no clue what I would do as far as working.  I dreaded the idea of beginning in a new district, new school, in a new state, where I knew no one, with a new baby and no knowledge of local day cares.

My position I received pretty quickly at Loras College seemed too good to be true!  They were looking for someone with their Master's in Literacy to work part-time at the college.  It was a position that would allow me to work part-time still in my field and build connections with the school districts.  It was a grant-funded positions that was only for 2 years, but that seemed perfect at the time.  It was just long enough for me to get settled and get comfortable and most likely be ready to return to teaching and working full time at the end of those two years.  The pay was great, for part-time work, it's just a short walk from my house, and the hours were completely flexible.  Hard to complain about that!  It hasn't been the perfect job.  What job is? Working in an office with no windows has been a huge change from being on my feet most of the day in a classroom full of lively children.  I've certainly had my moments of boredom or not feeling used to my potential, but for the most part, the job was an answered prayer.  Even though it wasn't the perfect job necessarily, it was perfect for me at this time. It came along at the PERFECT time in my life!  Also, during this time I interviewed for and gained employment at Ashford University (also in Iowa, but about an hour away) and begin working for them online as a Teaching Assistant.  Another pretty good job that was ideal timing.  It's been a chance for me to earn extra money, utilize my writing skills, and work from HOME completely on my own schedule.  Not bad! 

Well, not only are those 2 years of my contracted position quickly coming to an end before long, but I've also been longing to be at home a bit more than I ever imagined!  I currently have Mondays and Fridays off, and I have really enjoyed those days at home.  I like being able to stay on top of cleaning, laundry, etc. as well as have some time to do special things with MJ like story time or a trip to the park, and even some things for myself like working on projects and crafts around the house.  Definitely not something I imagined being so important to me, but it's weird how motherhood changes a girl! 

Soooo, I thought everything was starting to fall into place like perfect.  Ashford University was looking to hire professors to teach online ( a step up from my current position with them).  Although they prefer a PhD, only a Master's was required, so I decided to apply!  After a month long interview process, I got the job.  I actually begin teaching my first class the end of this month.  It's all online and on my own time, but definitely requires a bit more time commitment than my current position with them.  My plan was to begin this new position with Ashford while finishing out my time at Loras through the summer and then beginning next school year, I'd just work from home for Ashford.  Sounded like a pretty good plan, but I still was having some doubts.  I thrive on "me time" and like having adult time and am worried that being home all the time, I will be even more secluded, less likely to meet and make friends in the area, and might get a little stir crazy.  Not to mention the few professional connections I've made in the area will kind of fizzle out leaving me a bit high and dry should I attempt to get a teaching job in the area in the coming years.  On the up side though, I felt like with adding a second, and possibly third child, into our family in the near future, this was perfect timing.  I could have a lot of flexibility with my work but still continue to earn some income while also being able to dedicate even more time to family. 

And then I saw a job ad.  Darn, curious, intrigued me just had to apply.  It was for a position at a university in Illinois for a Reading Instructor and Field Experiences Supervisor (teaching reading courses and supervising student teachers).  Sounded right up my alley!  Had a phone interview, they checked my references, and then contacted me to set up a face to face interview.  It was intimidating.  They had my whole day mapped out including teaching a class, an interview with the department, a tour of the campus, and interview with administration.  It was serious!  And all the time my gut was screaming "no!"  It was over an hour drive from home and was going to entail working on campus everyday.  HUGE lifestyle change!  I decided not to take on the next part of the interview process because I knew in my heart that it just wasn't a job I was willing to take on in the end.  BUT that very same week I saw another job ad.  Seriously, I must stop looking at job postings!!!!  This time it was for a local university, just less than 5 minutes from my house.  They were advertising for a tenure track education faculty member.  Tenure-track is huge in the academia world.  It means job security, higher rank, and better pay!  It also requires a PhD.  I didn't really have all the qualifications, but definitely had some, so I figured I'd throw my hat in the ring!  I found out that as long as I was willing to work towards my PhD, they'd consider me. I was contacted for a phone interview.  I thought it went okay, but not great.  Within 30 minutes they called me back to schedule a face to face interview.  This time I knew I wanted to go for it!  To get this job would be a big deal!  Teaching at a university in my town with a tenure track is about as good as it could get.

 BUT my gut is still in knots.  Even though I love the idea of the job, I'm just not sure I love it right now.  It's what I want a little bit down the road.  It caught my eye for a reason though, so I am going forward with it and seeing what happens.  So tomorrow I go and teach a college class to a group of 20 students as well as the whole education department which will be sitting in along with two members of administration.  Then, I have a face to face interview with the education department.  Intimidating?  Yes!  Nervous?  You bet!  But, I am realllllly trying to stay calm and peaceful about this and just leave it in the Lord's hands.  I am hoping that if it's meant for be for me to work from home over the next couple years, then I just don't get the job offer and it makes my decision easy.  I promise to swear off the help-wanted ads if that's the case!!!  It's not like I'll be without a job.  I can teach for Ashford and be happy with that while enjoying some more time with my little guy!  And if I do get a job offer?  Then, I'm going to really have to think about it.  I'd like to think that it means that it's meant to be.  If the schedule were right, I could see being happy with it.  It would bring about a bid of sadness too, but might be good for all of us in the long run as well.

I know this has been one big ramble and truly just a vent session for me and what I've mostly been keeping bottled up over the last couple months. I wanted to document what's going on and the pros and cons of it all so that I can one day look back on this.   Before my career was really all about me and what made me happy, and now my family comes first in my eyes.  It's really been taking its toll on me just worrying about it all, and I think I'm going to really be happy to  have a decision in the next couple weeks and then a plan!!  I'm a planner and I like to know what's around the corner next. 

Wish me luck, and perhaps say a little prayer, that it works out just as it is supposed to be!! 

Weekend Visitors

This past weekend, one of my best friends, Mindy, and her fiance Derek came to visit us!  It was such a treat to have them.  They live in St. Louis and eventhough it's not too terribly far, it makes for quite a drive for just a regular weekend.  Mindy met Derek just about a year ago and they are getting married this coming fall.  I'm so glad she has found the love of her life because she certainly deserves a loving and committed relationship!  We'd been able to meet Derek and hang out a couple times, but it was really nice having him here staying with us so we could really feel like he could get to know him better.

It's amazing to think that Mindy and I met when I was even smaller than MJ!  Our moms are still best friends to this day and I imagine that Mindy and I will be the exact same way!  Our mothers always tell us how when we were babies my mom played the piano at Cross Keys Baptist Church and Mindy's mom, Jackie played the organ.  They would get together to practice and put Mindy and I in our little baby swings.  We were born only 4 weeks apart and have remained close for years!  We've certainly gone through various phases of our lives where we've been closer and more connected than others, but we've always remained consistently there for one another when needed.  Mindy lived overseas for quite a few years shortly after I married, but she moved back to the US over a year ago and we've really reconnected and grown closer again!  Mindy has always been great about coming to visit us wherever we lived.  She visited us in Key West, Lakeland, and now Dubuque twice! 

We had a great little weekend visit.  Saturday was a really pretty day so we took MJ to the park to play. 

Afterwards we came home and took a nice long nap!  MJ's not the only one who needed a little rest after playing hard.  :)  That night we had a babysitter and headed out for some adult time.  Mat and I don't have any couples here to hang out with, so it was quite a treat for us to get out on a double date.  We headed downtown to the riverfront for dinner at Star Brewery and followed it up with a little bowling and trip to "The Bank" to hear a little live music and grab a drink. 

It was a great weekend we are so thankful for many wonderful friends, including Mindy and Derek!

Two Year Stats

MJ had his 2 year well-baby exam on Friday, April 1st.  Lucky for him (and for us), he did  not have to receive a single shot at this appointment!   He was even actually pretty cooperative and a happy guy for most of the appointment, which is a wonderful change.  :)  MJ weighed in at exactly 25 pounds.  This puts him in the 15th percentile for weight.  He'd only gained about a 1/2 lb. in the last six months, so we are keeping him on whole milk for now so he can continue to get extra calories in his milk.  It's most likely just due to him being a bit of a picky eater along with being an active little toddler, but we're just going to keep an eye on it and try to plump him up just a tad.  His head circumfrence was 48.5, in the 40th percentile and height at 34.25 also in the 40th percentile.  He seems to be nice and healthy and doing great! 

Most all of the standard benchmark questions asked about MJ were things that he is exhibiting on a daily basis.  Our only slight concern right now is with his speech development.  While he seems to understand just about anything and everything we ask him to do, he has trouble communicating words verbally with us.  He uses some sign language still but does a lot of "uhhh uhh" and pointing leaving us unsure what he's trying to say and him becoming frustrated.  We think most likely he's just a bit of a late talker.  He says many singular words (hat, cup, car, water, most body parts, mama, dada, bubba, etc.) but does not do simple two word phrases yet, which is apparently one of the milestones for a 2-year old.  Our pediatrician has recommended we schedule an evaluation with Keystone, the loacl public early intervention specialists (who also evaluated MJ shortly after we moved here).  She reminded us that we still have this "black box" as far his brain development, due to his birth, that we are dealing with so we never know for sure.  Neither of us honestly think it's anything too major though, but we'll gladly get it checked out and see if we can learn some more tips and tools to help him develop his verbal skills. 

MJ continues to be the light of our life.  At two years old he is full of joy, love, and emotions.  He likes things his way, but is pretty good about listening to us and obeying.  Of course time outs occur sometimes too.  He knows the corner he has to go to and stand in for two minutes when he's done wrong. He loves, loves, loves playing with his cars.  I never imagined a 2 year old would be so into matchbox cars, but they are by far his favorite thing to play with.  We have to make more of an effort now to be sure we read books, play with puzzles, and things like that still which he used to incorporate every day all on his own.  We can't wait to be able to get out and about more as the weather warms up.  We've had a few trips to the park already and are hoping to add a swing set to our backyard this summer.  We also bought MJ a water table for his birthday and look forward to watching him play in that this spring and summer.  Seeing the world through his eyes is such a great joy.  We are blessed to be his parents!