Yayyy, I finally got a Flip camera! I have wanted one since before Mathew was born, but have hated to spend the money on it. Thanks to our tax refund and some bargain shopping, I finally purchased one. It arrived last night and MJ and I made a little practice video. It just so happened that yesterday was his first day of learning to independently drink out of a sippy cup. We've been working on this off and on for several months and his interest has been inconsistent. But, we finally found a cup that worked well and once got the idea, he was a drinking machine. So, raise your sippy cups high and toast to MJ's new ability and our new Flip camera. Lots more videos to come!
Friday, February 26, 2010
The Extremely Winding Road of January and February
Well, I guess I am finally letting out what I'd been holding in. If it seemed as if the blog, and Mat and I in general, were incognito in January and some of February it's because we were. What a crazy, emotional, stressful month it was. At the time I just couldn't talk about it, and although it's still hard it certainly seems much more bearable by now.
It seems as if I were just sitting on my parent's couch on New Year's Eve blogging about what a consistent, quiet year I hoped for 2010 to be. After MJ's health issues at birth, a huge move, finding a new job and adjusting to a new city, and then the declining health and death of my grandmother, I was just ready for a year of no changes! Little did I know that I was about to receive the biggest surprise EVER!
A few days after we got home from St. Louis I began feeling rather weird. I was just getting really sleepy and my body was requiring a nap everyday, I had a strange appetite, and a few other symptoms that reminded me of my early pregnancy feelings that I had experienced not too long ago. To make a very long story short, we found out on January 8th that we were pregnant! I could let myself get totally caught up in the excitement of finding out or telling Mat or our family members, but it seems pointless now to dwell on those happy moments. You can imagine our shock though. We've been told we have a less than 3% chance of conceiving on our own, and it took us over 4 years of trying before going through with IVF to conceive Mathew. A pregnancy on our own was never something we even imagined so this came as the biggest shock I think I've ever experienced. At first we had the "Oh crap! We're going to have 2 babies under the age of 2!" reaction and then it quickly turned to elation and excitement. Where as I was so cautious when I was pregnant with Mathew not letting myself get too emotionally attached or begin planning anything too soon, I seemed to just throw caution to the wind with this pregnancy. After all, I assumed this was surely a miracle that was just meant to be in our lives, and never really doubted it. I was already looking at baby furniture and bedding, making a list of names, etc. etc. We went to the doctor at 6 weeks, just a few days after we found out, and the pregnancy was confirmed. But, when we went for our first ultrasound a little later on things suddenly didn't seem so good. There was no heartbeat. We were told that a miscarriage might be on the way, however we could just be a little earlier than we though and to come back in a week and see if there were a heartbeat then. Talk about a long, agonizing week! I had planned to be in FL that week and I had to cancel my trip because I certainly didn't want to experience a miscarriage while away from home and Mat. So, we waited and waited, and nothing happened. So, I was feeling hopeful when we went to the doctor a week later, but unfortunately once again it was the same news. The pregnancy was definitely not viable. It was devastating.
I'll stop with the details there, because the rest becomes rather personal, but it became a very long drawn out process. It resulted in a few weeks of waiting, pain, and in the end surgery. It wasn't a pleasant experience physically but even more so emotionally. I never realized what a personal experience was. I've always had a lot of sympathy for those that have experienced one, but I guess like anything until you experience it yourself it's hard to really understand. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone and just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there. I felt like a bad mother, because it was really hard to even focus on Mathew, and I felt so guilty that his mama was so sad and unplayful for awhile.
In the midst of all this happening, our entire household became sick. Right before finding out the bad news, Mat had become really sick with a bad sinus infection. About a week later, I became sick, and then within a couple days MJ started presenting symptoms. Of course that was our worst fear for him to catch it. We waited it out about 4 or 5 days thinking it was just a cold, but the more and more congested he began to sound, we started to worry a bit. We took him to the doctor for a very unpleasant appointment of suctioning and xrays and in the end he was diagnosed with RSV. He's been receiving Synagis shots all season in order to try to prevent him from contracting this, but it still got 'em. Thankfully though the shots had still done their job and kept it from becoming the full blown, hospital admitting type RSV that he certainly could've faced. In the end it just became lots of a poor, sick baby who just wanted to sit in our laps and be loved on for several days. He'd lost his playfulness and desire to drink a whole lot. He was started to antibiotics to keep pneumonia at bay. It was just a tough time, because this was the first time that he had been really sick since birth and I was certainly not at the top of my game. In fact I ended up having to have surgery the night after his diagnosis and it broke my heart not being with him when I knew he really needed me. It brought back lots of memories! :( Thankfully my mom came to the rescue and helped us out for about a week. I'm not sure what we would've done without her! The day after the surgery, even our dog had become extremely ill and we had to find a vet to get him into ASAP.
Needless to say by mid February, I was shaking my fists at the heavens and saying "seriously??" I just felt like I couldn't take another thing! I was so weary and feeling depressed.
I know that life could be so much worse though, and I did my best to keep that perspective. As hard as it was to lose the pregnancy, I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it would have been if it were the first time around. We were so emotionally, not to mention financially invested in our first pregnancy that a loss would have been just heartbreaking and hard to recover from. This was hard, but we are able to move forward while still finding so much joy in our original miracle, MJ. Plus, it's pretty hard not to find some joy in the fact that we even conceived on our own! The doctors are encouraging and tell us not to be surprised if it were to happen again. Who knows what life has in store for us! I've learned to stop even trying to predict the future.
I want no pity. That's why I was hesitant to share in the beginning. I don't like people feeling sorry for me/us. But, as always is the case with me, I've learned that my best form of healing is writing. It's so much easier for me than speaking. So, I write and I share my heart with my family and friends in hopes that the Lord will continue to heal us and help us move forward from this very rough start to 2010.
It seems as if I were just sitting on my parent's couch on New Year's Eve blogging about what a consistent, quiet year I hoped for 2010 to be. After MJ's health issues at birth, a huge move, finding a new job and adjusting to a new city, and then the declining health and death of my grandmother, I was just ready for a year of no changes! Little did I know that I was about to receive the biggest surprise EVER!
A few days after we got home from St. Louis I began feeling rather weird. I was just getting really sleepy and my body was requiring a nap everyday, I had a strange appetite, and a few other symptoms that reminded me of my early pregnancy feelings that I had experienced not too long ago. To make a very long story short, we found out on January 8th that we were pregnant! I could let myself get totally caught up in the excitement of finding out or telling Mat or our family members, but it seems pointless now to dwell on those happy moments. You can imagine our shock though. We've been told we have a less than 3% chance of conceiving on our own, and it took us over 4 years of trying before going through with IVF to conceive Mathew. A pregnancy on our own was never something we even imagined so this came as the biggest shock I think I've ever experienced. At first we had the "Oh crap! We're going to have 2 babies under the age of 2!" reaction and then it quickly turned to elation and excitement. Where as I was so cautious when I was pregnant with Mathew not letting myself get too emotionally attached or begin planning anything too soon, I seemed to just throw caution to the wind with this pregnancy. After all, I assumed this was surely a miracle that was just meant to be in our lives, and never really doubted it. I was already looking at baby furniture and bedding, making a list of names, etc. etc. We went to the doctor at 6 weeks, just a few days after we found out, and the pregnancy was confirmed. But, when we went for our first ultrasound a little later on things suddenly didn't seem so good. There was no heartbeat. We were told that a miscarriage might be on the way, however we could just be a little earlier than we though and to come back in a week and see if there were a heartbeat then. Talk about a long, agonizing week! I had planned to be in FL that week and I had to cancel my trip because I certainly didn't want to experience a miscarriage while away from home and Mat. So, we waited and waited, and nothing happened. So, I was feeling hopeful when we went to the doctor a week later, but unfortunately once again it was the same news. The pregnancy was definitely not viable. It was devastating.
I'll stop with the details there, because the rest becomes rather personal, but it became a very long drawn out process. It resulted in a few weeks of waiting, pain, and in the end surgery. It wasn't a pleasant experience physically but even more so emotionally. I never realized what a personal experience was. I've always had a lot of sympathy for those that have experienced one, but I guess like anything until you experience it yourself it's hard to really understand. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone and just wanted to crawl into bed and stay there. I felt like a bad mother, because it was really hard to even focus on Mathew, and I felt so guilty that his mama was so sad and unplayful for awhile.
In the midst of all this happening, our entire household became sick. Right before finding out the bad news, Mat had become really sick with a bad sinus infection. About a week later, I became sick, and then within a couple days MJ started presenting symptoms. Of course that was our worst fear for him to catch it. We waited it out about 4 or 5 days thinking it was just a cold, but the more and more congested he began to sound, we started to worry a bit. We took him to the doctor for a very unpleasant appointment of suctioning and xrays and in the end he was diagnosed with RSV. He's been receiving Synagis shots all season in order to try to prevent him from contracting this, but it still got 'em. Thankfully though the shots had still done their job and kept it from becoming the full blown, hospital admitting type RSV that he certainly could've faced. In the end it just became lots of a poor, sick baby who just wanted to sit in our laps and be loved on for several days. He'd lost his playfulness and desire to drink a whole lot. He was started to antibiotics to keep pneumonia at bay. It was just a tough time, because this was the first time that he had been really sick since birth and I was certainly not at the top of my game. In fact I ended up having to have surgery the night after his diagnosis and it broke my heart not being with him when I knew he really needed me. It brought back lots of memories! :( Thankfully my mom came to the rescue and helped us out for about a week. I'm not sure what we would've done without her! The day after the surgery, even our dog had become extremely ill and we had to find a vet to get him into ASAP.
Needless to say by mid February, I was shaking my fists at the heavens and saying "seriously??" I just felt like I couldn't take another thing! I was so weary and feeling depressed.
I know that life could be so much worse though, and I did my best to keep that perspective. As hard as it was to lose the pregnancy, I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it would have been if it were the first time around. We were so emotionally, not to mention financially invested in our first pregnancy that a loss would have been just heartbreaking and hard to recover from. This was hard, but we are able to move forward while still finding so much joy in our original miracle, MJ. Plus, it's pretty hard not to find some joy in the fact that we even conceived on our own! The doctors are encouraging and tell us not to be surprised if it were to happen again. Who knows what life has in store for us! I've learned to stop even trying to predict the future.
I want no pity. That's why I was hesitant to share in the beginning. I don't like people feeling sorry for me/us. But, as always is the case with me, I've learned that my best form of healing is writing. It's so much easier for me than speaking. So, I write and I share my heart with my family and friends in hopes that the Lord will continue to heal us and help us move forward from this very rough start to 2010.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Last Month of Not Being a Year Old!?!
I'm rather late with this post, but it happened, my baby turned 11 months old on February 9th. While I am so excited for his first birthday, I am also so sad to see my baby grow become more and more independent. He was a sick little guy on the day he turned 11 months, so I didn't get the typical smiley picture I capture on his month birthdays, but I still thought it was pretty cute.
MJ can be seen like this quite often. He just LOVES books. He likes to point at the pictures and feel the many different textures. He loves books that rhyme or are silly, and especially those with mirrors. He's vain, what can I say? Sometimes he'll even carry a book over to us as if to say, "Please read this." If we ask him to point to a certain picture like a cow or a dog he'll often do it. I'm not sure if it's just a lucky guess or he's really learning these animals already.
He's walking all over the place now. He's faster and faster, and he can now bend over to pick up a toy and stand back up without plopping down. He loves to chase poor Bubba around!
Eating time is our biggest struggle at 11 months. He loves just about anything you give him, but he's becoming quite stubborn. He wants to feed himself now, which is great. He did that well for a couple weeks and it was wonderful! Then, he started with the throwing. He'll throw his food, his silverware, whatever you give him. He wold throw every single piece of food on the floor if you let him. So right now it takes quite awhile to feed him because we're back to trying to hand feed him, but with finger foods rather than baby foods. His favorite things seem to be fruits and meat. We're working on transitioning from the bottle to the sippy cup and plan to trade in formula for cow's milk in the coming weeks.
Mathew has 5 teeth now and is in full slobber mode. He's done great with teething so far! I just adore all his curls. It's about time for his first haircut though because it's starting to hang over his ears and get a little unruly. I'll be so sad to part with his baby curls. I love to snuggle my nose in them...one of my mommy guilty pleasures I suppose.
We just have a little time left before our baby turns into a 1 year old. My, what a year it's been!
MJ can be seen like this quite often. He just LOVES books. He likes to point at the pictures and feel the many different textures. He loves books that rhyme or are silly, and especially those with mirrors. He's vain, what can I say? Sometimes he'll even carry a book over to us as if to say, "Please read this." If we ask him to point to a certain picture like a cow or a dog he'll often do it. I'm not sure if it's just a lucky guess or he's really learning these animals already.
He's walking all over the place now. He's faster and faster, and he can now bend over to pick up a toy and stand back up without plopping down. He loves to chase poor Bubba around!
Eating time is our biggest struggle at 11 months. He loves just about anything you give him, but he's becoming quite stubborn. He wants to feed himself now, which is great. He did that well for a couple weeks and it was wonderful! Then, he started with the throwing. He'll throw his food, his silverware, whatever you give him. He wold throw every single piece of food on the floor if you let him. So right now it takes quite awhile to feed him because we're back to trying to hand feed him, but with finger foods rather than baby foods. His favorite things seem to be fruits and meat. We're working on transitioning from the bottle to the sippy cup and plan to trade in formula for cow's milk in the coming weeks.
Mathew has 5 teeth now and is in full slobber mode. He's done great with teething so far! I just adore all his curls. It's about time for his first haircut though because it's starting to hang over his ears and get a little unruly. I'll be so sad to part with his baby curls. I love to snuggle my nose in them...one of my mommy guilty pleasures I suppose.
We just have a little time left before our baby turns into a 1 year old. My, what a year it's been!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Binky MIA
I never would've guessed that I would come to be attached to a pacifier! I'm not even really that big of a fan of them. I told myself we'd stop using them around 4 months, before it became a habit. But, yea...ummm that didn't happen. He really doesn't use it much. He gets one (or as many as I can throw in the bed) at bedtime and in the car, and that's about it. But let's be honest. When your kid can't soothe himself to sleep or stop fussing in the car and you're tired or about to pull your hair out, you're going to give them the darn "binky" and not think twice about it. Or I am at least!
I know lots of people lose pacifiers and are constantly replacing them. It seemed amazing that we'd made it this far without having to replace any. His two favorites are ones that we have used from the beginning. They were a little pair that we received at a baby shower. One of them said "I Love (with a heart) Mommy" on it, so course I was partial to it. The age range on the packaging said 0-3 months, but he has loved it long since then. Well, this week I took him out to run a couple errands. Our first stop was Blockbuster and when I took him in the store he had his binky and when we got back out to the car I noticed it was gone. I already had him buckled in his carseat and it was a cold, windy day. I thought briefly about taking him back out and retracing our steps through Blockbuster to find the binky. It seemed like too much hassle though so I just left. Once we got home I realized it it was his (okay, more like my) favorite binky! I was so sad that we'd lost it. Honestly, I am sure it was bound to happen sooner or later, and really what would I have done with it? I thought about calling Blockbuster to see if anyone had turned it into a lost and found, and then I realized how pathetic and cheap it sounded to call looking for a $2 pacifier that my son had long outgrown!
But the point of this long drawn out story is that it made me wonder if this is just the beginning. Will there be more and more precious things that I am so sad to lose or leave behind? I love seeing him grow and develop, but yet I cringe as I pack away clothes he's outgrown or toys he's phased out of. I just want him to be my baby forever and always proudly display "I Love Mommy," like he did with his cute little binky!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
10 Month Moments
I can't believe 10 months has come and gone! So much happend this month, that we hardly got to enjoy it. Mathew began walking right before he turned 10 months old, and life quickly became even busier. Here's a few of our favorite moments captured during 10 months.
http://keyeswindingroad.shutterfly.com/1247
http://keyeswindingroad.shutterfly.com/1247
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy Heart Day!
The first picture was taken exactly a year ago on Valentine's Day 2009, and here I am today with this beautiful baby as my Valentine! My heart has grown with love in ways that I could have never begun to understood. I am so thankful for all the loves in my life, and especially this beautiful little boy. When I asked him tonight who his Valentine was, he answered "mama." Ummm, yea...my heart melted!
Lots of updates to come. I've gotten behind and "Our Winding Road" has definitely taken some twists and turns in the last few weeks. Check back soon!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Walking Upgrade
Okay, okay I get the message: Must post a better quality walking video! This time I captured MJ really on the move, and most importantly with better lighting! :) I also had to throw in the "soooo big" video! This is one of his favorite things to do. He's such a cutie!
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