No Longer a Spring Chick

It seemed pretty fitting to celebrate my 30th birthday yesterday as a new mom. It's amazing how things have changed in the last year. I celebrated my 29th by going to Key West with a couple girlfriends. It was an amazing long weekend without a care in the world! I knew I wanted to live it up on my 29th because I knew IVF was soon around the corner and with any luck I'd have a baby by my 30th and would have a MUCH more tame celebration. It turned out to be exactly the case! While we were in the NICU with Mathew I just kept hoping to have him home by my birthday and said that was the only present I needed. Many times yesterday I just looked at him as we cuddled and thought about how far he'd come and how blessed I was to have him in my life. It was a fairly tiring day because he'd been up several times during the night before. I didn't even get into the shower until Mat was getting home from work. But it was a day just being a mom and even though I'm super tired and have my moments of feeling completely overwhelmed and a little down and out, I wouldn't trade it for a thing! I managed to pull myself together and go out to dinner with Mat and Mathew. It was our first adventure out in public together. Everyone told us that the baby would just sleep through dinner and it would be no problem. Well, they lied!! :) He slept through appetizers but then decided to make his presence known before our entrees arrived. It really wasn't that bad, just grunting and some fussing, but nothing that was too loud that would disturb others. We just held the pacifier in his mouth as we gobbled down our entrees, passed on the birthday dessert and then loaded up junior in the car. He then screamed for us the WHOLE way home so we would know just how hungry he was! Then, he got to gulp down his dinner as soon as we walked in the door. It will be a memorable evening we'll look back on I'm sure! One of the most memorable parts was me going to bed early and Mat offering to stay up late with the baby so I could get some extra rest. By the time Mat put him to bed with a full tummy nice and late, he didn't wake up for his first feeding until 3:30AM. That's what I'm talking about...5 hours of sleep for me....Happy Birthday to Mommy!!!

Yesterday was a special day for Mathew as well. He turned 4 weeks old! We took this picture together to capture our "birthdays." It's so hard to believe that he's already 4 weeks. I guess because we've only had him home for less than 2 and that's the amount of time that we've been responsible for his care and with him 24/7 so in my mind it seems more like he's only 2 weeks old. When I say that my baby is 4 weeks old, I would think I'd have a little better grasp on things by now, but I certainly don't! I feel like we were sort of jipped from some of those special moments of having a newborn at home. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful to have him home now and I know being in the NICU was exactly what he needed at the time, but I think I have a whole slew of emotions just brewing inside me waiting to come out one day. It's a mixture of sadness and anger that I think I'm just too busy and too tired to deal with. Regardless, little MJ is 4 weeks old and continues to seem quite healthy! He's starting to have a morning alert time where he makes cute little faces at us. I know they say babies can't smile yet and it's only his facial expression as he passes gas, but I swear he's starting to smile at us! Trust me, I see his face when he passes gas and he aint smiling!

Today started off like a really good day. Mathew was being quite the good baby and I was feeling especially productive. I'd showered, dried my hair, and even slapped on a little makeup by 10:30 AM. I got some laundry going, caught up on emails, picked up around the house, and actually had a little energy. I was feeling so good that I thought I just might be ready for my first outing with Mathew by myself. Start out small I thought. Just needed a few little things at Walgreens. It's only a couple miles away and I thought it would be nice and easy to just push him around in the stroller and grab the few things I needed. So, I loaded baby up into the car, lifted the stroller in the trunk, grabbed the diaper bag just in case and pulled out. Then, the crying began. When we arrived at Walgreen's he was still crying...okay, more like screaming. I got the stroller out and put his car seat in it thinking he would quickly quiet down and we'd just stroll the parking lot for a few minutes until he calmed down. Well, we strolled and we strolled and he screamed and he screamed. To get to the point, we never did make it into Walgreens. The trip ended with me feeling completely defeated by my little 9 pound crying machine. I loaded him back up in the car after a good attempt and headed for home. Wouldn't you know that little booger was quiet as a mouse on the ride home! So much for our first trip out. I'm determined to make it work soon. So, if you happen to be driving around Lakeland and see some sleep deprived crazy mom pushing her newborn in a stroller through the parking lot, you'll know it's us. I suddenly have great admiration for any mom that takes a baby in public. Next time I see a mom with a baby in the grocery store, mall, post office, etc. I think I will give her a high five tell her she's a hero! I can only aspire....