What a winding road it is!

Yesterday, I went for an ultrasound and estrogen level check first thing in the morning. At this stage of the game, these appointments become regular and the process goes like this: come in early in the morning, have your blood drawn, have an internal ultrasound, then go about your day. After 3:30 you call this EMarc system to receive a recorded message from your IVF nurse with the results of your estrogen level, ultrasound, and further instructions regarding drug protocol, next appointment, etc. The doctor is not present at these early morning appointments. A nurse does it all, then consults with the doctor in the afternoon, the doctor tells the nurse his findings and then she completes the recorded message.

So, yesterday was my first of these appointments. Mat was leading a meeting at work and was unable to come and I really didn't think it would be any big deal anyways and was anticipating going to work afterwards and attending the end of the year staff party. I knew during the ultrasound that something was not quite right though. I never really understand how they can look at that screen and make out what everything is anyways, but even I knew that the two round masses I saw on the screen didn't seem to be a good thing! The first nurse that was doing my ultrasound seemed perplexed, so she left and went and got another nurse to come in. Surely, another sign that things were not as they should be! It appeared that two large cysts had developed on my right ovary. These cysts had not shown up just a couple weeks ago in my previous ultrasound prior to beginning the hormones, so of course they assumed that they must be a result of the Lupron. The nurses don't say much because of course the doctor makes the final ruling, but together they told me they were sorry they couldn't offer me good news and that best case scenario was that the process would need to be delayed. I was shocked! I've never had problems with cysts and I'm not even yet taking the stimulating medications that can cause cysts, so I was completely unprepared for this news. They told me to just go home and take it easy and call at 3:30 for my results. So easy to just go home and relax right?!?!?! Mat was in his meeting still and unable to talk, so what does any devastated daughter do but call and cry to her parents!! :) God bless 'em, they are so wonderful, supportive, and calming all at the same time. After that, a couple wonderful friends from work insisted on driving out to Celebration to get me and drive my car home. They were a Godsend and I appreciate what they did more than they will ever know! In the meantime, Mat called and I was able to share the news with him. He's always good at being a little more rational and I was just calmed a little to hear his voice. My friends then arrived and were great at taking my mind off things for a bit. We grabbed some lunch in Celebration and then headed back towards home. After a couple little pit stops and a dead battery (sorry Kelley!!!), by the time I made it back home it was 3:30 so I called to get the news. This time I was bawling for JOY! Apparently after reviewing my estrogen level and ultrasound, the doctor determined that the cysts were not estrogen producing and therefore were not related to the hormones at all. They are called hemorrhagic endometriomas, which I believe is like bleeding endometriosis on the ovary. The weird part is that they weren't there just two weeks ago, so it's very likely that they are related to my menstrual cycle and will subside on their own within a few days. Because they are not estrogen producing though, they don't pose any threat to me or the process, so we are able to continue as planned! My drug regimen was changed slightly and I'll go back on Tuesday for another estrogen check and ultrasound. Please pray that the cysts have shrunk and continue not to pose any threat.

All in all, it was such an emotional day! Hindsight is always 20/20 and now looking back I feel embarrassed that I probably overreacted and made others worry. I am so thankful though for all the prayers and support yesterday. I am going to have to learn to better prepare myself for all the bumps along the way and rest assured knowing that it's all in God's hands and part of His ultimate plan for our lives. Once Mat got home from work yesterday, we were just so thankful to be together and share in the emotion. He had a great perspective on it by explaining that the whole process of IVF is like a long book and each step and appointment is a separate chapter. We have to remember to focus on the ending of the entire book, not how happy or sad each chapter appears to be. So true! Of course when you're pumped full of estrogen, it doesn't exactly make you the most rational person, but I will be working hard on remembering this analogy and praying for faith and strength.