Relinquishing Control

It seems like it's been a really long week, especially for actually being a short holiday week. Things are winding down for me at work, so that is keeping me busy right now and tiring me out a little more easily than normal. Tuesday is the student's last day and Wednesday is my final day. I've been blessed with a great class this year, so I really will be sad to see them move on; however, I'm ready for the break-both mentally and physically. I'm so thankful, now more than ever, to have a career where I have a couple months to handle personal things. I can't imagine trying to juggle IVF with working. Just this week has been a challenge. My hat goes off to any woman that does it. I'm so glad I'll have the month of June to really dedicate my mind and body to this process. What a blessing!

I think I've learned this week that the biggest thing I am struggling with is relinquishing control. I am asking for prayers and support that I can release some of my fear and anxiety and truly rest in God's hands. I know in my heart that it's what I want to do, but I'm having trouble getting my mind on board with that. Infertility is such a frustrating thing, because you really are in a lack of control. I can do what the doctors tell me to do and follow instructions carefully, but it's really out of my hands. I guess it has been all along, but perhaps I'm a slow learner in realizing this. :)

Today marks my last day of taking birth control....my first task to check off as completed! I continue with the Lupron injections in the mornings for now. I'll go to the doctor Wednesday for an ultrasound and estrogen level check and receive further directions that afternoon. So far the injections themselves are going well....relatively painless, very very minimal bruising or bleeding. It's starting to seem like a normal part of our morning routine. The side effects seem to increase a little each day. It basically feels like bad PMS...bloated, cramping, just general yucky feeling, but worst of all is my mood/mentality. I just feel foggy for lack of a better term. I feel quite negative and unable to focus on anything. Sleeping has been tough because I feel like my mind is racing. I really want to be in a positive frame of mind right now, so I am hoping that once I wrap up things at work, I can relax a little and help calm my mind. I'm praying for strength with this as well.

So, that's the latest for now. I'll be anxious for my Wednesday appointment to find out how my body is reacting to the Lupron. Looking forward to the relaxing weekend ahead for now!