Embracing 18 Weeks

I feel like I'm finally letting my guard down and opening my heart and truly embracing this time period. It's not that I haven't been excited nearly every minute of every day, but I am a worrier by nature and recently I've realized just how guarded my emotions have been thus far. I don't know if it's because of our struggle just to get to this point or not, but I feel like I've almost been afraid to begin connecting with this baby-for fear of something going wrong. But through prayer, determination, and just plain 'ol time -things are changing. I've begun talking to my baby, playing music for him/her by putting the earphones on my belly at night while I read, and poking at my belly. I'm still waiting for that magical moment when Baby Keyes can poke back with a hand or foot. The last week has been filled with little tiny twinges that have left me wondering "Woah, was that it?" "Could it be?"......but nothing too concrete that has convinced me without a doubt. I've suddenly become obsessed with baby bedding and furniture. No decisions obviously until we know the gender, but I'm preparing. I'm getting more and more excited about finding out if it's a boy or a girl too! Just a couple weeks ago I was adamant that I was not ready to find out. I think again it might have had something to do with that fear of connecting, but now it's on my mind each and every day. People constantly ask me if I have a "feeling," and really I still don't. One moment I am day dreaming about my future mama's boy and the next moment I'm seeing pink. Who knows! Time will tell. But in the mean time I am really embracing Baby Keyes and the relationship that we are beginning to form.

I ordered some maternity clothes online last week, so the last couple days have been exciting as my new loot has been arriving! I'm always weary ordering online because you obviously can't try it on or even see the fabric in person, but I'm learning that the options are limited for places to peruse in person. There's always Motherhood Maternity but the sales people there drive me insane! I've purchased a few things there and I'm sure there will be more, but those people just exhaust me and by the time I leave I feel like the fun has been taken out of it. Most people know that I absolutely LOVE Ann Taylor Loft! The majority of my normal wardrobe seems to come from there. They started carrying maternity a couple years ago I think so I was thrilled to start buying a few pieces, but their prices seemed insane-way higher than their normal clothes. But with some bargain shopping and coupons I was able to get some GREAT deals. A white blouse for $6! Also, found some great deals at Old Navy online. So in the last 48 hours I've received jeans, black dress pants, 2 tank tops, 2 blouses, and 3 shirts! Yes, I get excited about stuff like this. :) Of course some of it is still rather big but I'm sure I'll be filling it out before long. I'm anxious to start showing more. It seemed like the belly popped out rather quickly and then not much change in the last month or so. I even lost a few pounds this past week. Strange! But no complaints, because I'm sure before long I'll be growing faster than I can keep up with.

So to wrap it up, Baby Keyes is now about 5-6 inches long and about 7 ounces! He's able to flex his arms and legs by now too. The ears are in their final place now and if it's a girl her uterus and fallopian tubes are developed and in place. Maybe that's a little TMI, but I think it's pretty amazing! I look at that original picture of my two little embies, wonder which one it is that is still with me, and just stare in amazement to think that little microscopic ball of cells has turned into something with arms, ears, legs, and maybe even a uterus already?! God is so good!