5 Weeks

Yesterday began week 5 of pregnancy. That sounds really weird to me considering we've only known for less than 1 week. All the pregnancy calculations are a little odd to me, but hey it's kind of like getting 4 weeks for free! :) As of right now our baby (babies?) is supposedly the size of an orange seed and looks like a tiny tadpole. This week the tiny heart divides into chambers and begins to beat and pump blood. Just amazing! I am in awe of the whole process and give thanks to God for allowing us to experience this. I can hardly wait to hear the heartbeat myself in 2 weeks.

The holiday weekend was spent feeling elated! Mat and I were able to spend 3 days in a row together. That's a first in quite a long time! He's been so busy with his branch opening and grad school, so he definitely enjoyed a little break and the timing was perfect as we were able to celebrate together. We celebrated the 4th in Tampa Friday night, went shopping and saw a movie Saturday, and headed to church and lunch together yesterday. My brother Jeff returned from his visit to STL last night so he stopped by for dinner on his way home. He came bearing some cute Cardinals baby gear from himself as well as my parents. Soooo cute! No doubt that our child will be fully equipped with plenty of Cardinals attire.

Strangely today I have been feeling really sad, and feeling realllllly guilty about it! How could I possibly feel sad when what I have been praying and hoping for is coming true?!?! I don't understand it. My fear has been stronger than my excitement though today. I am so afraid that at any moment, this will all be taken away. Every time I begin cramping I get nervous. I'm so used to going to the doctor constantly and knowing every little thing, that it feels weird now just to wait and assume all is well. Anyways, I'm chalking it up to hormones and hoping it's just a temporary mood swing. I'm praising God for all we've been given and asking for emotional strength.