Mommy and Mathew Meet!

I actually wrote this blog on Wednesday evening 3/11. I had some trouble getting it to post though, so I am trying again. I'll post a more current update asap.

What an incredibly long day it was today. Words can't even explain. But, it ended with mommy finally being able to bond with Mathew! I almost titled this post, Mommy's Meltdown because it felt like that too, but we're sticking with the positive. :)

As of our visit there last night, Mathew is continuing to make steady progress. His oxygen level, which started at 100% is down to 29% now and the nitric oxide medication which started at 10 is now down to 6.3 I'll be honest, I don't totally understand what all the levels and numbers mean. I know that they act like there is still a long way to go, but they are also so impressed by his improvements-especially given the short amount of time. They are practically betting that he will not end up needing the ecmo machine. Even his sedation level is beginning to be weaned slightly. They act like he will still be on the ventilator for some time, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Yesterday started off well for me, but was full of ups and downs. I got some much needed sleep and did well with staying on top of the pain level along with pumping. My mom helped me through the night and it really helped me relax and regain some strength. Unfortunately during the morning I wound up with some bad nausea that really slowed me down and turned into a headache that I haven't quite been able to shake. The severity comes and goes, but it's been unlike any other headache I've ever had. My ears ring, I hear muffled noises, my vision gets all blurry, and the pain is so extreme. The light really seems to bother it. I've never been one to have problems with headaches so we're trying to figure out if it's a migraine, a spinal headache, or just a really bad stress headache. That's the only problem with checking out of the hospital so early....I miss out on 2 more days of rest and care. But my doctor was clear that I can call them if I have any problems, so I will definitely do so if it doesn't improve today! I think I'm healing from the c-section pretty well. Obviously very sore still, but as long as I stay on top of the pain control, I am able to move around pretty well and make progress. I think it will get easier over the next few days.

Once finally leaving the hospital, we headed to the Ronald McDonald House (RMH). This place alone will make you cry! I will elaborate on it more later, but it is just truly amazing. We are staying here indefinitely and couldn't ask for a bigger blessing at this point! It's only a block away from the hospital. It will allow us to go back and forth to Mathew throughout the day, but yet still get the rest and nourishment we need for me to heal and us to take care of ourselves. I already know RMH will hold a special place in our hearts forever. I look forward to sharing more details about it with you later.

Seeing our little angel last night was just breathtaking. To finally touch him and talk to him was an answered prayer. I felt like my heart started to beat again. When he opened his eyes and just stared at me I couldn't help but think he knew exactly who I am. I asked if we would be able to hold him soon and the answer was no. That breaks my heart, but I'm hoping that continued progress and prayer will put him in my arms before we know it.

We look forward to spending a lot of time with him today, so hopefully we'll have some more updates by night time. Love and thanks to all of you!

Updates From Daddy

First and Foremost thanks to everyone for all the prayers and support. It is hard to believe Mathew is already 36 hours old, and it is also hard to believe all that has happened in the last 36 hours.

Yesterday was the most emotional day of my life. The first transfer to Florida Hospital South was hard enough to take. Then when they told me he was being transfered again I lost it. Luckily my grandparents and Jeff were there to comfort me, but all I could do was sit next to Mathew and sob like a big baby.

On to the better news!!! What a difference a day makes. Jeff and I went to visit Mathew at Winnie Palmer for the first time this morning. First off, this hospital is truly amazing. There is an entire floor dedicated to the NICU. Then there are multipule NICU's each with a speciality. So Mathew is now in a room with other babies with lung complications. I feel so at peace with his current location. Keli has a soroity sister who did a residency there and said it was the best place for babies in all of Florida.

As for our visit this morning, it was such welcomed GOOD NEWS! Mathew has had his oxygen and nitric oxide cut in half! This is great news and the doctor was very encouraging. He still calls him "a very sick little boy," but progress is great news.

Keli is looking like she will be relased tomorrow. We already have a reservation at the Winnie Palmer Ronald McDonald house for tomorrow night. We will be able to stay there as long as Mathew is in the NICU. We are expecting anywhere from 1-4 weeks. All in all we feel like Mathew is in great hands and the prognosis is positive. It might be a few weeks later than we hoped for, but he should be coming home with us!!

My Sweet Baby Boy

Who knew just how much my life was about to change when I posted that last blog. It was the real deal. I got my wish. I got to experience contractions and the beginning stages of labor along with that feeling of "time to go to the hospital." It was just enough, without ever being too much to bear and I'm thankful I had the experience.

Due to my extreme lack of sleep right now and inability to probably form complete thoughts that make sense, I'll cut straight to the point. Mathew was born on his due date via c-section at 12:03 AM. He came into this world weighing 8lbs. 14 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long. The rest of the morning went nothing like I expected and just alone to find out his weight took several hours.

They quickly began working on Mathew once they took him out of me. At first it just seemed like the norm. I was feeling calm about it, but it became obvious that something was not right. The 2 people working on him weren't talking and before we knew it he was taken. Mat cut the cord, I was allowed to give him a quick kiss on the cheek and off he went. We wouldn't see (if you even want to call it that) him for 4 1/2 more hours. It was nothing like I'd expected. There was no holding my baby, no bonding with him, no picture taking, no sponge bath or watching him be weighed.

I tried to remain optimistic while I was in recovery. We just kept being told they were working on him and would update us when they were done. It just didn't feel right. Soon, a pediatrician came and told us that they were stabilizing Mathew and that he would be flying to Florida Hospital South where they could better treat him. She said he'd asparated meconium. I'll admit she didn't have the best bedside manner in breaking this news to us, but luckily my nurse was much better at trying to break it down for us. They assured us it wasn't completely uncommon and that he probably just needed some time for his lungs to clear up, etc.

2 staff from FL Hospital South had flown in to work on Mathew and then around 4:30 they ended up transporting him by ambulance back to their hospital. They were wonderful! They explained things much better and even though we were in shock, I think we were at least starting to understand what was happening and why it was so serious. Before they took Mathew away, we finally got to see him for a moment. It was such a sad sight. They had him in an incubator, on a ventilator, with tubes everywhere, and then the incubator was strapped to a big gurney with attached oxygen tanks and other materials. We were only able to touch his foot through the little porthole. It was the most precious, softest, little chubby foot I've ever touched. That's the only contact I've had with my sweet baby boy.

Mathew spent most of the day at that hospital. Mat was able to go and be with him. My brother and Mat's grandparents were also able to see him. Obviously I could not go, but I was so thankful that Mat could. I know it must have been extremely hard on him. I'm jealous and I'm not all at the same time. As they were leaving to head back here to the Celebration Hospital, the NICU called and asked them to come back. Mathew was making some progress, but it seemed they weren't completely satisfied and they felt better moving him to Winnie Palmer Hospital. The reason being is that Winne Palmer has an ECMO machine. Winnie Palmer is one of the best NICU's known and is the only hospital in central FL to even have this machine. Here's a link to quickly describe what it does. http://orlandohealth.com/WinniePalmerHospital/NeonatalSpecialties/ECMO/ECMO.aspx?Pid=710&Wid=21

Luckily, so far Mathew has not had to have been placed on this machine. He's currently on a vent and it's breathing for him 100%. He was 3 IV's-2 in his belly button through a main artery and one in the crook of his arm. These are providing him with fluids, monitoring his BP, and keeping him sedated. His nurse tells me that his coloring is good and his vitals are good and we give praise for that news. We don't know much else besides that right now. It seems as if it will be a long road, but one never really knows. Mat heard time frames of 2-3 weeks mentioned and then 5-6. It's just a waiting game and we have to just see how he responds to treatment. His lungs have so much healing to do.

We beg for your prayers for our little baby. It is a helpless feeling unlike anything I have ever known. To carry something inside you for 9 months and feel like you can provide for him better than anybody, and then suddenly he's miles away from you and you can't even so much as touch him is just miserable. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Yet, I know thousands of people experience this everyday. It doesn't make our pain seem any easier right now though.

We are so very touched by the phone calls, emails, text messages, etc. It's hard for us to keep up with them, and it's also just hard right now to even talk about it. Please forgive us if we don't call you back. Our priority right now is on trying to get a little rest, allow me to heal, and be available to our little one. We will keep the updates coming as often as we can. Please pray for Mathew. God chose him out of 8 embryos to be our one survivor, nine months ago. I must believe He has a plan for his life and that he will continue to be the little fighter and pull through.

We look forward to updating you again soon.

1 Day to Go?

It's hard to believe that after all this time, my little ticker off to the right side now says "1 day to go." Wow!!! I am beyond blessed that we've made it so far and that God has granted us the timing to get healthy, complete our commitments at work, and be fully ready to have this baby.

I started having some random contractions on Saturday. No rhyme or reason to them though and nothing too intense but I could definitely tell that for the first time they were more than just Braxton Hicks. Then, this morning I lost my mucus plug. That just sounds disgusting doesn't it? It kind of is, but yet kind of cool at the same time to begin seeing just how the body works. A couple hours ago the contractions started up again. They're more regular and more intense, so we've started tracking them. I said I wanted to experience what it was like to go into labor and it seems that my wish is being granted. We'll see if it continues or if they die down once again. Who knows, maybe we'll have a due date baby after all? Wouldn't that be crazy!

To be continued...

L & D Trip #1

We made it to the end of the 39th week without any trips to Labor and Delivery. No false labor, no reporting in for a non stress test, etc. I guess that just meant we were due for a little excitement eventually.

Yesterday was supposed to be my last day of work. It was my original goal to work up until March 6th if it all possible. That meant I'd work up until the due date and then have 12 weeks at home. Well, I almost made it that far. Unfortunately I fell one day shy.

I've been battling this sinus stuff off and on for the last couple months really. So when I started feeling bad again Thursday afternoon I just figured it was that, but by Thursday evening I could tell it was more and I just kept getting worse and worse. I had a fever, chills, lots of achiness, and coughing and just an overall miserable feeling. I called into work and then called my OB's office. They told me what to take and to monitor the fever and if it didn't break or went above 101, to just go to the hospital. So, by about 4:30 it still hadn't broke and it was above 101 so we were told to go to L&D for some monitoring.

The baby started off with a high heart rate but very low activity. My temp was still high and blood pressure a little high. At first they acted like we'd be kept over night for a 23 hour monitoring, with a slight possibility that they might go ahead and do the C-section, but probably try to avoid it and get me well first. But after talking with the doctor and call and some monitoring, it was decided that we could go home. So I was put on antibiotics, and cough meds. As I relaxed and my fever went down a little the baby started to perk up and move around a bit more and his heart rate relaxed. It was interesting to watch how high it jumped though every time I had a coughing spell. Little guy is probably hanging on for dear life when that happens! :)

So for now, we monitor the fever and kick counts and drink lots of fluid and get lots of rest. The combination of the meds helped me sleep last night and that felt SO good. The high fever broke in the night b/c I woke up just drenched twice and had to change clothes. Now it seems to be on the low side, so hopefully it stays that way.

I'm happy we went in and everything worked out the way it did. I think Mat was hoping they would keep us, because he was feeling worried and scared. I wouldn't have minded staying the one night but I was really hoping they didn't do the C-section then and there. I can't imagine coughing like this right after surgery or having such a high fever that I couldn't be around him or nurse, etc. So, hopefully with a a couple days rest and antibiotics I will be feeling much better and can welcome my baby boy into the world properly! :)

One week from today....

I should be holding a precious baby boy in my arms. Others might have to beg for a turn to hold him because I'm just so darn excited to feel him in my grasp! Okay, okay....I'll share! :)

Yesterday was our very last prenatal doctor's appointment. We're certainly ready to be done making the drives to and from Celebration so often, but we've just been INCREDIBLY pleased with our experience there that we know it was so worthwhile. They constantly treat us so well and take good care of us. Yesterday the doctor had gotten called to do a delivery, but even though our appointment was already the last time of the day, he came back afterwards to meet with us. We went and grabbed a bite while we were waiting but thought it was awfully nice of him to come back at 5:30 rather than just call it a day and make us reschedule.

The appointment went fine. No dilating yet, but I have thinned out. He said I could possibly go into labor earlier, but probably a slim chance. It seems to me that things are starting to get awfully close. My blood pressure is creeping to the higher side and the swelling continues. I honestly don't know where there is room for any more fluid in this body of mine! I have a feeling nothing will happen before next Wednesday, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

I know the power of prayer is just amazing....after all I think it had a lot to do with getting us to this point! :) So, I ask for prayers for my mom. I hope that she won't mind me sharing, but has not been feeling well and was diagnosed with shingles earlier this week. Luckily it sounds like hers is a pretty mild case, but still can be so painful nonetheless. The worst part of it all is the timing obviously. Her and my dad were expecting to leave to head here this weekend so they could be present for his birth. Obviously if she's still contagious or in a lot of pain though, that won't be able to happen. It's very saddening for my parents and I both, but we're trying to remain optimistic. The most important thing is that she is healthy and the baby is healthy and as long as that happens, we know it will all be okay. It doesn't necessarily make the emotions or worrying much easier though, so I ask you to lift her up in prayer that her body would be quickly healed. We're praying that not only do we have a healthy baby in our arms in one week, but a healthy grandma as well!

39 Weeks

Wow, 39 weeks. I can't believe that I have been pregnant for 39 weeks. This weekend I came across several little reminders that made me remember just how thankful I am for these puffy ankles and fat body of mine. I still have some of the fertility meds in the refrigerator and came across the box for the injection pen we had to use. I don't know why I haven't parted with those things. Probably because they cost us an insane amount of money so it feels awfully wasteful to throw them away!!!! But anyhow, it just served as a reminder for just how far we've come. On my voicemail I still have the message saved from the day that I received the phone call with fertilization results. It's one of the happiest messages I've ever received...telling us that 5 embryos had fertilized...and I can't even dream of deleting it off my saved messages. When I'm feeling down I call my voicemail and listen to it!

39 weeks is starting to catch up with me. I'm actually still feeling fairly comfortable overall, but I just can't rest well and have so many contractions at night. I can't believe how big I feel (and probably look too). My legs are ginormous and I'm so thankful that it's not summertime so at least I can wear pants and hide these big tree trunks. The only thing that really hurts are my shins and feet. The rest of me is still holding up pretty well. Somehow I've been lucky enough not to get a single stretch mark. I thought for sure with my fair skin it would be a given. I'm hoping my luck continues for one more week! It would probably help my chances if I'd lay off the Girl Scout cookies. haha

Mat's been super sick this weekend. Poor guy came down with the flu. It's been frustrating because there was so much for him to accomplish this past weekend, but he can't help it and probably got it from me being sick to begin with! He's starting to feel a little better tonight. We just have to get him well in time for Mathew's arrival!

Despite feeling tired and a little down and out with illness, we are feeling incredibly blessed. It's been a day with some sad news for various friends and family. I keep their situations private out of respect, but they are lifted up in prayer. It's such a hard time in our economy and so many seem to be ill, that we can't help but count our blessings and realize how thankful we truly are. Nothing is ever for granted, but as much as I am ready to be done working and get this show on the road, I am just feeling incredibly lucky to have a job, be healthy, and on the brink of a very joyous life changing event.