The Big Day

I have no room to complain.  When I was pregnant and touring daycares, I was fully expecting to place MJ in daycare and return to work when my maternity leave came to an end.  Life took a sudden turn though-like a 1,000 mile turn to the state of Iowa!  Circumstances were different and we were blessed to be able to keep MJ at home.  Between my part time work and Mat's hours, we were able to juggle child care between the two of us with the occasional help of a college student sitter who came to our home.  She was wonderful and MJ adored her and it was the perfect fit!  She is graduating though and keeps a busy schedule now, and MJ is getting bigger and more and more active and needs more play time and individualized attention.  I find myself trying to live a stay-at-home mom schedule while also squeezing in 20-30 hours of work.  It's just not happening.  I've really struggled with that...felt like a failure as a parent, why can't I juggle it all, etc. etc. etc. 

Mat and I were planning to introduce MJ to preschool next school year, but suddenly began considering it this semester as we were struggling to find a new babysitter.  We began wondering if it would fit our schedule better while allowing him to gain some socialization and play time with other children.  So while weighing our options we went and toured a local child care center.  MJ roamed through the rooms eagerly exploring and being his charming little self.  He even shook the hand of the director all on his own with no prompting!  When the tour was over and it was time to leave he was not pleased.  He made that quite clear.  It was obvious he wanted to stay and play and we really began thinking maybe it was the right thing.  Mat was on board and ready to give it a go.  I cried.  Then, I cried some more.  And then, some more.  And then I began wondering if I was crying more because I felt like I was letting my child down or because I was scared to let go.  I began to come around and think that it was at least worth a shot and see how it went.  I gathered all the necessary paperwork and made a trip back to turn in all the needed information.  MJ was with me on this little trip and after about five minutes of talking to the director, we were done and ready to go.  I told MJ to say "bye bye" to her but instead he waved "bye bye" to me!  What?!?!  Oh no, surely you misunderstood little man, so of course I told him "No MJ, you are going with mama.  You don't HAVE to stay today."  Then came the meltdown.  He WANTED to stay rather than go with me!  Not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry (but I did both once I got in the car), but it was just the sign I needed that indeed my son seemed ready for this-more ready than I in fact! 

So tomorrow, it begins.  My days of my baby being at home are gone, and my toddler is going off to his first day of daycare.  It will be minimal.  He'll go 2-3 mornings a week for 3 hours each.  Just enough time for us to handle work schedules and him to enjoy circle time, centers, and lunch.  Hard to argue with that!  I am nervous, though.  I never ever expected to be this parent.  I was the firm, tough elementary school teacher who never really got why parents were sad to see their child go off to kindergarten.  I think God must have been looking down on me and laughing knowing what was in store for my emotions! 

My hope and prayer is that this time in daycare meets all of our needs.  I would like to accomplish more of my work during the day so that I can enjoy our family time more in the evenings and not have to stay up until the wee hours grading papers online.  I'd like MJ to gain the socialization that is so important for him and helps him grow and develop.  Please pray this mama survives these first three hours tomorrow morning!  I'm sure MJ will do just fine.  :)