The Reason for the Season

My parents arrived last night and it's so nice to have everyone together. I wish we could have even more family and friends around during the holiday, but being in our own home rather than traveling is feeling kind of nice right now. The presents are all wrapped, the cookies baked, decor hung, and they arrived safely which is always a blessing within itself.

The last time we all gathered in Florida for Christmas was in 2004. Mat and I had moved to Key West that summer. We knew we wouldn't have the funds to fly home for the holiday, so we all decided to meet in Tampa, at Jeff's, for Christmas. My grandparent's health was better at that time and they were able to come too! It was a very different Christmas, as it was our first time not all being gathered together in St. Louis, but it was special because it was something unique. Shortly after moving to Key West, Mat and I decided we were ready to begin working towards a family. That fall was when we took the plunge. I didn't have extremely high expectations of anything happening very quickly, but I was hopeful. Even a year or two before that, I'd always imagined how fun it would be to be pregnant over Christmas. It just seems like such an exciting time to be expecting a child and knowing that the new year will bring so much joy. So, of course that Christmas I was hopeful that maybe, just maybe, we'd have some good news to share with our family! Everything seemed to be looking promising. I just knew that I was going to be pregnant! I was in that phase of running to the bathroom every 5 minutes and breathing a sigh of relief. I went to bed that Christmas Eve feeling so excited and hopeful. Nobody knew, except Mat. However, when I woke on Christmas morning it seemed as if it was the cruelest reminder ever.....I was not pregnant. In hindsight, I shouldn't have been that disappointed. After all, we'd only been trying merely a few months. I had just let my anticipation and emotions build. That day was a hard Christmas for me. I was probably a little too self-absorbed with my own emotions that day, but it just felt like such a disappointment. Of course there ended up to be three more childless Christmas' to follow. It's not that Christmas wasn't still enjoyable, but each year that passed without a pregnancy seemed to get a little harder and harder. I don't know what it is about Christmas, but there's just something so special about little children around the holidays. When you feel like you just might not ever have one, it seems especially painful during the holiday season. It's not something I've talked about much with others, and even my own family didn't realize the disappointment I was feeling during that Christmas in Tampa.

I guess that's why I am just feeling so incredibly thankful and blessed this Christmas season. I have dreamt of this feeling for years and to actually be experiencing it is unreal. I also know that there are many couples with heavy hearts currently that are longing for a child. I could just sit and stare at the Christmas tree and rub my belly, with thankfulness, for hours! I know that so many changes await us with the coming of the new year and it's mind blowing to think that this time next year, our little guy will be crawling all around. I have no desire for this pregnancy to come to a close anytime too soon! I am really loving experiencing this part. I know that it won't happen again most likely, which is a little saddening to me, and makes me even more determined to treasure this special time.

I'm sure there are thousands and thousands of women pregnant right now, and I'm not sure if it's the same for them or not, but it just makes one think about the birth of Jesus a little bit differently......wondering how Mary and Joseph must have been feeling and the anticipation that surrounded His birth. Perhaps because my heart is more full this holiday season than in many past, but I am feeling especially blessed by the "Reason for the Season," this year! I know that I will reflect upon this time and these feelings years and years to come.

May the Reason for the Season shine bright in your heart today as well!