THE Classic Shot....Well, Almost

My wish came true...

Okay, so the anesthesiologist accidentally cut Mat's head out of the picture, but we have the most important part...BABY!  So happy to be able to log on (even though it took me a week) and post this "classic shot" that I so longed for! You can probably tell by my tear filled eyes that it was one amazing moment!  Truly one of the most memorable and happiest of my life. 

Charlotte Noelle was welcomed into the world at 10:01 AM on December 23, 2011 weighing 8lbs. 6oz. and measuring 20 inches in length.  Life will never be the same. 

39 Weeks

Today, our sweet girl is now 39 weeks along.  Statistics say she is 7 or more pounds by now and 20 or more inches long.  Very soon, we'll find out how accurate that is.  In five hours from now my alarm clock will sound, and I'll get up and dressed and head to the hospital to have her.  Yes, I should be sleeping right now, but I am full of excitement and nervous energy.  It feels quite different to have a "planned c-section"....to know that right now she is hiccuping in my belly and in 9 hours she should be in my arms.  It's strange, surreal, and exciting to experience it in this way. 

I find myself stumbling for the words to express my emotions accurately.  I want her to read this one day and know how much she was wished for, how awaiting her arrival was so incredibly exciting, but yet I still feel too scared to fully embrace it at times.  I'm sad to admit, but when I first learned of this pregnancy and when the due date would be, my heart almost sank.  Not because I didn't want her, not because I didn't think it was such an amazing miracle, but because the doubt and fear quickly overtook my joy and I just assumed that it was very likely that this pregnancy would end in miscarriage too, and rather than celebrating the birth of a baby, I would be mourning what would have been at what's normally such a joyous time of year.  It's no secret that many a Christmas' I longed for a baby, longed to be pregnant, and would always visualize myself having a baby by the next Christmas.  Something about the spectacular wonder of Jesus' birth certainly leaves an infertile hoping for a little miracle of her own.  ;)  Of course, after several years we were blessed with MJ, and I felt that prayer had been answered, but then after two back to back miscarriages, expecting again, and right at Christmas time almost felt like a cruel joke.  Surely God knew my heart couldn't take that ache again, and at Christmas time above all else.  Well, apparently He did know and His plan was just right because tomorrow, on December 23rd, I welcome our daughter into the world, and as fearful as I am for everything to go smooth and uncomplicated, I am trusting in His plan to continue to see me through it.  It almost seems picture perfect.  Never in a million years on all those Christmas' that I spent wishing, did I imagine I'd one day be spending Christmas Day in the hospital cuddling my new baby. 

My brother and parents arrived this week, and it feels complete to have them here.  I am so thankful for their love and support.  We celebrated Christmas today with MJ (pics to come later on one day when I am able to catch up), and it was great to be able to shower MJ with that love and attention.  I know he'll be very well taken care of, and even spoiled I'm sure, over the next few days, but it's certainly feeling sad to know I'll be spending quite a bit of time away from him the next few days. 

There's no doubt that my last birth experience has left me rather fearful.  I expected all to go well with that one and was in for quite a shock, so it's hard to not let all of those emotions and anxiety overtake me.  I am just hopeful and in prayer that this will be a much better experience and might help heal the hurt from the last time.  Everyone knows that classic picture after a c-section birth....the dad holding the baby by the mom's head.  Even though she's unable to hold the baby yet, she's smiling a big smile!  We never got that picture last time.  Our picture was Mat and I....no new baby.  That picture is a painful reminder of what was missing.  So my prayer is this:  my next post will be that "classic shot".  Our baby girl will arrive safely in the world and meet her mommy and daddy who love her so much.  That picture will be taken to capture that moment. She'll then spend her first day being cuddled close to my skin and being welcomed by her big brother, uncle, and grandparents.  There will be no NICU, no helicopters, no suspense.  Our family will be blessed as we welcome the most amazing gift there is-new life. 

Goodnight, and prayers for our baby girl, please. 

Potty Time!

At about 18 months MJ went through a very short stage where he seemed interested in potty training.  We bought him a little potty, he went on it a couple times, and then the phase was over with.  Since then, he's shown no interest.  We've bought a few books to read to him and talk about it every so often trying to hype it up, but he didn't seem to exhibit most of the signs that they say a toddler will show when they're ready for this stage.  Definitely wasn't staying dry, or anywhere close it it, at night time, didn't seem to mind being in a dirty diaper, want to be changed, etc.  When we'd mention going potty he'd usually say "no!" and even threw the potty chair down the steps once.  Nice!  It really didn't seem like he was ready, so we didn't force it. 

In an ideal world, I was hoping he'd be potty trained before the baby arrived, but I wasn't overly optimistic and as her birth is getting closer and closer, I was realizing it was a very slim chance.  We recently started feeling like maybe he was ready to give it a shot, but we weren't sure if it was wise to start it right before the baby came along.  It seems like research shows that many toddlers will regress once a new baby comes home, and in all honesty as I was nearing the end of pregnancy I wasn't sure I had the energy it took.  Just when we were kind of debating what to do, MJ made his move!  Last weekend he came to me and wanted to be changed immediately after he'd had a wet diaper.  I tried putting him on the potty, we read a couple books, and he went!!  I was so excited, and made sure he knew just how proud I was with lots of love and praise.  We called Daddy to tell him the news and took pictures and Daddy even brought him home a small present (a new car, of course)!  He went potty a couple times that day, even a #2, and so off we went to buy underwear.  He picked out some Cars and Thomas the Train big boy underwear and we grabbed a bag of Pull-Ups for nap time/night time.  The next couple days were filled with some successes, but he really wanted nothing to do with wearing underwear.  Looking back, we probably should have forced it, but even getting him to wear the Pull-Ups seemed like quite a battle.  I've always heard it's best just to make the switch and go from diapers straight to underwear or the cloth training pants, but I knew he was not ready for those during sleep time, and maybe I hesitated too much.  Who knows, but then it seems like things have just digressed the last few days. He started feeling bad again, so I'm sure that hasn't helped, and he's been solely in diapers for the last few days.  He still wants to be changed right away when he's dirty, so I guess that continues to be a good sign, although he now knows how to take his pants down, take his diaper off himself, and bring it to you.  Lovely!  ;) 

Less than a week away from delivery now, and with him quite sick right now, I doubt we'll force the issue too much from here.  I figure that with winter setting in and having a new baby, we're going to be at home A LOT, so it might be the perfect time to put a greater focus on it then.  We'll need to get dedicated and set a timer and put him on the potty at regular intervals and really try to work on it.  I think he's on the brink of it, so hopefully with a little dedication on our part, it will all click soon.  Until then, a few cute pictures to share of our potty training adventure last weekend.  His pride and excitement was adorable!....

 Yay, MJ!  He went pee pee on the potty for the first time since 18 mos. 

 Waiting in line with his new underwear

Reading his books and being patient waiting for the magic to happen! 

Oh, and on a side note, I bought him the book Everyone Poops, and I must say it's quickly become his favorite book at the moment and of course the first one he's memorized.  Go figure! It's so funny and cute to listen to him read it aloud over and over and over. 

Bring On Ho-Ho!

It's official, MJ loves "Ho-Ho"!  That's what he calls Santa.  The first year went like this:  Set MJ in Santa's lap and he screamed and cried, I realized it was kind of silly to go through all of that for a picture of a screaming baby.  The second year went like this:  saw Santa two different places, MJ wanted no part of sitting in his lap so we just looked from a distance.  But this year, much to our surprise went like this:

Run up and give Ho-Ho a BIG hug!!!

It was precious!  I think the stage was set a few weeks ago when MJ saw Santa came down the 4th Street Elevator and shook MJ's hand (remember the adorable video posted??).  He's been talking about it ever since!  I think it was just enough to really impress him, and let him warm up to the idea of Santa. 

Loras College's Campus Ministry group has a Christmas party each year for kids.  It's super cute and very thoughtful.  The group has crafts, snacks, a Xmas movie, and a nice mix of a religious focus as well as an appearance by Santa.  It's pretty short and really geared at the young kiddos, not too crowded or overwhelming, etc.  This was MJ's chance to see Santa up close and personal, if he chose.  Well, wouldn't ya know it when Santa made his grand entrance into the party, he came straight to MJ and shook his hand.  It was perfect!  You would have thought it was the same Santa and he knew just want MJ wanted.  Ha!  MJ was so thrilled and told us "Ho-Ho shake MJ's hand again!"  :)  He was enjoying all his munchies though and watching one of his faves "The Reindeer Show" (the original Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer) to be bothered rushing off to the line that quickly formed to sit in Santa's lap. 

Eating yummy treats and movie watching with Daddy

So, we just took our time and when he was ready we hopped in line and waited our turn.  He didn't seem nervous at all and we began thinking maybe he'd actually be willing to do it, but didn't make too much of a fuss over it either way. 

All smiles waiting his turn in line

After he ran up and gave Santa that big hug, he was happy to sit in his lap for a few moments.  I'm not quite sure what he said, but I know there was something about cars (surprise, surprise), and then Santa gave MJ a present.  He got a gift box filled with cute little goodies and treats that he just loved! 

It was so sweet to see him truly enjoy this experience and see the joy and enthusiasm as he told us about it.  What a difference a year makes!  I am just loving see the excitement he has about Christmas this year.  It's the first year where he gets it, at least a little bit.  He has a little advent calendar that my parents sent him, and he knows that when all the doors are opened and the candy is gone, Santa will come.  We also have the Elf on the Shelf, that Mat's parents gave us a couple years ago, and he's really into finding his elf, and talking about him each day!  Watching all the Christmas movies and cartoons on TV has been so much fun as well.  I just love the coziness, warmth, and love that this time of year brings, and sharing it with him is just so special!

Of course, I'm trying to instill the real meaning of Christmas and exactly who and what we're celebrating.  At two years old though, I'm not quite sure how much he gets it and I can't help but laugh and wonder if he's thoroughly confused.  We talk about "Baby Jesus" a lot and how Christmas is a celebration of his birthday.  He recognizes Baby Jesus in our nativity scene, his books, decorations, etc., but then we're also talking a lot about the baby in mommy's tummy that is coming at Christmas.  I'm afraid he's going to think that we're having a baby Jesus!  lol  Don't get me wrong, this baby girl is one big blessing, but we don't want to confuse the kid that bad!  :) 

It's sure to be a special Christmas in SO many ways!...  Just working on getting MJ healthy so he can enjoy it all.  Poor little guy has been battling a cough and chest congestion for quite some time.  I took him to the doctor about 2 or 3 weeks ago and he was put on an antibiotic for a sinus infection.  I was as well, right about the same time.  We both really improved and I thought were in the clear.  Then, this past weekend we both seemed to start having symptoms again, so both scripts were refilled.  I was determined that we WOULD be healthy before this baby is born.  Luckily, I started feeling better again, but MJ seemed to just keep turning for the worse.  By last night, I was really worried about how much he was wheezing and breathing heavy, so first thing this morning we went back to the doctor.  Poor little guy has bronchitis and is now on two antibiotics and steroids trying to clear up his lungs and get him in tip top shape quickly.  This is the sickest I've seen him since his RSV a couple years ago, and of course after his birth.  Luckily, he's such a good little sick guy.  Just wants to sleep and cuddle and watch cartoons, so hopefully with lots of rest and some good meds he'll be feeling better in a couple more days and ready to enjoy Christmas and welcome his baby sister! 



38 Weeks

Baby girl is now 38 weeks.  She seems to be doing just fine as far as we can tell.  She's still quite active, and her heartbeat today was 145 bpm.  I'm still having a decent amount of Braxton Hicks contractions, but apparently nothing too real or productive because baby girl does not appear to be ready to come out naturally.  Looks like it will be another c-section for us.  In order to try for a VBAC next week, I needed to have a softening cervix, her head engaged, and starting to dilate.  Unfortunately though none of those things have happened.  She is still head down, but she's "floating" high and cervix is closed.  I'm sure I could insist on waiting it out, but we all feel safest with her being delivered at 39 weeks, based on what happened last time, and if that means having a c-section, then so be it.  I just want her here healthy and safe.  I'm a tad disappointed as I was hoping for a quicker recovery and a different experience, but in some ways it's also a bit of a relief too.  I know more what to expect, can plan for it, and don't have so much of the unknown as far as labor and a vaginal birth goes.  I'm thankful he checked me rather than tried to induce me next Friday and then I labored for hours and still ended up with c-section. 

So, as long as I don't go into labor any earlier, which looks rather doubtful, our sweet baby girl will join our family on December 23rd.  We arrive at the hospital at 6AM and surgery is set for 8AM.  I'm looking forward to what I hope is more of a standard delivery, rather than an emergency c-section.  I am praying for a healthy baby and actually seeing her afterwards, being able to bond, and spend some time with my little family. Looks like we'll most likely be spending Christmas Day in the hospital and will be discharged on Monday, December 26th.  He said if everyone was healthy and feeling really well we might be able to come home on Christmas Day, so we'll just play it by ear.  Luckily MJ is too young to realize if we celebrate Christmas on a different day.  It will be different for sure, but I'm actually looking a bit forward to it.  I think it will be really special welcoming a new baby right before Christmas and having my family together. 

One more week to go!!

Words Just Don't Do It Justice

It's hard to even put into words just how much I love this little boy.  Not only is MJ in a really cute, and sometimes ornery, stage right now, but as I'm quickly approaching the birth of our second child I find myself reflecting on my love for MJ, his growth and development over the last 2 1/2 years, and am just amazed by him-simply put.  There is no doubt that God designed this child to fit my heart's mold.  I mean, seriously, just look at this face...

Mat and I completely melted when we got this picture.  We got a notice from his preschool that they were taking school pictures.  I basically laughed it off wondering how in the world they'd take a class photo as well as individual shots of a bunch of two year olds.  I ordered the cheapest package possible because I imagined a milk mustache, boogie nose, and maybe even some tears.  My little charmer rocked it though!  I'll treasure this photo forever!  It's when I realized "my baby" was no longer a baby, officialy. 

I know I'm not alone in feeling this way because I've heard many an expecting mommy say it before, but as excited as I am to welcome our baby girl into this family, I am also experiencing a bit of guilt and sadness knowing that MJ won't be my one and only anymore.  I just adore him so incredibly much that it's hard to imagine that I can feel this way about another child.  I know in my head that my heart will expand and I will love this child, and any more that we may be blessed with, just as much, but I guess it's hard to fully comprehend.  This guilt or nervousness, for lack of a better word, is making me fully appreciate these last couple weeks with just him.  In the midst of my tiredness, holiday prepping, house projects, and illnesses, I am trying my best to savor each and every "Mommy and MJ" moment.  We've had some fun around the house just playing, doing lots of baking together, and getting in the holiday spirit...







MJ loves to help me make cookies, and we've been making LOTS that I've been freezing in prep for Christmas.

Of course, we've eaten plenty, too!  Warm cookies and milk make for a happy toddler!

Just hanging out playing cars in MJ's room.

 Fingerpainting at home with mom and dad.



I am beyond thankful to have been blessed with his life.  He brings about emotions in me that no one else can.  I can look at him and just tear up in awe, I can watch him sleep and feel like all is perfect in the world, he can fall and get a bloody lip and my heart sinks, he can pout and make his lip quiver and I have to use all my strength not to cave in.  This little one shook me to my core from the moment he was born.  As much as I love him, don't get me wrong-he challenges me daily and I often count the minutes for nap time or bed time, but each and every night I am sure to count my blessing, my biggest blessing thus far, and know just how lucky I am to be his mommy.

Thank you God, for blessing me with this child, and thank you MJ for being the loving, sweet, playful, and sensitive little one that you are.  May you always know how much you are loved...

Officially Ready!

Baby girl's room is officially ready for her.  Chances are she won't sleep in there all that much the first couple months anyways, but it's nice to finally have the room put together, organized, and finished!  It really took a backseat as we were working on the bathroom.  Just a few weeks ago it looked like this...

It was so dirty, full of sawdust, and seemed like we had such a looooong way to go.  I did loads of laundry, tons of cleaning, scrubbing, and wiping down of everything, and then Mat moved in and worked his magic!  He did such a great job painting it just like I had envisioned it.  I'm so happy with the way it turned out. 

We spent very little money on this room.  My dear friend, Shannon, loaned me all the bedding and matching accessories.  The furniture was all of MJ's previous nursery furniture, and the curtains I had on hand.  We purchased an area rug, some baskets, and a few decorative touches.  I made the tissue poofs hanging above her crib and am working on a restored old window that will hang above her changing table and have her name on it.  I still have a couple things left to do like add a cushion to the rocking chair, and use some ribbon to tie dress up the curtains a bit.  They may or may not happen before she's born, but we're both just ecstatic with the final outcome and look forward to seeing our baby girl in here soon. 

Baby girl's crib:  Cocalo Bella Baby bedding (loaned to me by Shannon) and my DIY tissue poofs

View into her room from the doorway.  Curtains still to be finalized, and I have an old window that I'm restoring that will hang above her changing table and have her name on it. 

The rocking chair my mother rocked me in, a table I got from my parent's basement that they were going to get rid of, coordinating lamp, and Mary Englebreit artwork I've been hanging onto for years.

Mat's great painting work, bookshelf, etc.

Ballerina cross-stitch that my mom made for my room as a little girl.  It's needs a new mat, but so special to have it hanging in my daughter's room!

Her special mementos, books, toys, and cloth diapers ready to go!

Took me forever to find a rug that matched and that I liked.  Yay for Super Target! 

We hope you love it, sweet baby girl!