Pure Fear

Just two more days until our next doctor appointment.  At this appointment they'll check for a heartbeat and complete a regular physical.  This feels like our make or break point in my mind.  If we make it through this appointment with a positive outcome, I feel like I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and begin to enjoy this pregnancy and become excited.  Of course if there is a negative outcome, it's the end of the road for this pregnancy.  Everything points to things being just fine and I have no valid reasons for being so incredibly worried, but my gut just tells me that it's not going to be good.  I try to keep envisioning it going well.  After all, since hearing the heartbeat at 6 weeks, we have extremely high odds that everything is continuing to be just fine. When we got that wonderful news, I was elated and it all began to seem real, but then the doubt crept right back in.  Unfortunately, I feel like it's kept me from bonding much with this baby or displaying much enthusiasm.  It's hard to explain, but I just feel incredibly vulnerable.  Waiting is the hardest part. I am certainly hoping for great news to share on Friday, but ask for prayers for peace and comfort regardless of the outcome.  My own fears seem to keep me from even being able to pray about it regularly.  I know that God knows my heart and my fears and that the strength will be provided to me.  As always, I am so often comforted by words...books, lyrics, poems, etc.  I received these words in an email the other week and thought they couldn't be more perfect.  Sometimes it seems like words are sent your way exactly when you need them the most.