The Next Bend?

First, thank you to my friend Kelley for suggesting that the picture of MJ walking down the winding path be added to our title of this blog.  I hadn't even thought of it to be honest, and surely thought I had no clue how to figure out how to do something so fancy shmancy anyways, but thanks to good ol Google and a little troubleshooting, wah-lah!  Her words were so right.  Our path or road definitely continues to wind around many turns (doesn't everyones??), but now we are so blessed to have MJ join us on that path!  And honestly, because we have him, it makes even the tiniest of twists and turns all the better. 

This discussion comes at an appropriate time, because we are taking a step down a bit of a new road for us and hoping that it leads us in the right direction as a family.  Although it's hard to imagine being any happier with two children than we are with just our MJ, it's no secret that we (okay, well especially me) desire to add to our family.  It's funny because I remember praying to God just begging and pleading for a child.  During the time we were going through IVF and waiting to find out if in fact we were pregnant or not, I can vividly remember bargaining with God, "If you just give me this one thing, I will never ask for anything again."  Yea, I think that lasted for all of about 9 months until I had delivered MJ and was then begging and pleading for him to survive.  Then, I am sure I found something else to ask God for not long after.  I am sure God knows my heart better than my own, and knew my words were rather foolish way back then.  I'm human, I'm greedy, I want more.  In all honesty though, even though I do desire to have another child, the longing or pain is nothing like experienced the first time around.  I know that I have found love and happiness with MJ and that if it's meant to be just the three of us, I can be content with that.  BUT, my heart feels like it has more to give.  I would love for MJ to have a sibling one day; I feel like Mat and I can be good and faithful partners to each other and parents to another child still, and if it's meant to be, then I truly do desire that for our family. 

Having the two miscarriages has left me with lots of questions, some lingering sadness, and even some anger.  In my mind I never expected that I would conceive on my own.  As I went through my pregnancy with MJ, I treasured each moment fully expecting that it would most likely be the one and only time I would experience each sensation.  I had wrapped my mind and my heart around that reality.  Then to conceive was a shock.  MJ was only 9 months old at the time!  But after a couple days of an "OH MY GOSH!!" shock, then it was pure happiness and excitement.  As we know, it wasn't meant to be, but of course by then my heart had been opened to the idea of a second child and since then it's been something I have thought about regularly.  We have come to a point where we kind of need to decide what avenue is best for us.  We can just continue to keep trying on our own and hope for the best.  We can begin some further fertility testing once again and undergo IVF or possibly IUI.  Or, the third option is to adopt a child.  The easiest and least expensive idea is to just try on our own, and while we will continue to do so, we are ready to explore some other options in the mean time.  IVF is a possibility once again, but it is quite costly and always runs the risk of failing to conceive.  Adoption is something we considered prior to having MJ, but had never looked into too deeply.  

I set up a meeting with a local agency that handles three different types of adoption:  local, domestic, and international.  While the social worker we met with was a wealth of knowledge and answered so many questions for us, I left the meeting feeling a bit discouraged and hopeless.  It was clear that international adoption, although I think it is such a wonderful thing,  was something we were in no means able to do financially speaking.   Domestic adoption was also quite out of our reach in the near future.  Local adoption was the most realistic option of the three.  The price was similar to doing IVF again.  The social worker shared with us that in these cases though, nearly 75% of the birthmothers end up deciding to keep their baby right after they deliver.  Woah!!  I think I had to pick my jaw up off the floor after that statistic.  I knew it happened from time to time, but never imagined it was so often.  Hmmm...definitely something to think about. 

For several years, Mat and I have often discussed the idea of fostering to adopt through DCF or DHS (Division of Human Services) as it's called here in Iowa.  We have some good friends who have adopted two children in this manner, and I have a co-worker who has done so as well.  Mat and I have shared how great it would be to open our home to a child in need.  In fact, when we were living in Lakeland, we looked into it briefly but then we both began school again and it just wasn't the right time in our lives.  As with every situation there are pros and cons.  While fostering/adopting through DHS is practically free in terms of finances, there are more considerations to be taken into consideration such as adopting children with special needs, the reality that most foster children are reunited with their birthparents, most children waiting for adoption are school age, teenagers, or sibling groups, and the list goes on.  It's quite a sad system, which I am sure isn't shocking to anyone.  Our hearts kept being drawn to find out more, so I contacted the local DHS representative.  So, this Monday we actually attend our first Information Session.  We have completed our background checks, fingerprinting, etc.  If we like what we hear at the Information Session, we will begin a 10-week training course in January.  After the training course, we would complete a homestudy and become licensed foster parents. 

This will be a long road, and we are far from experts on any of this.  But, we are quite excited to learn more and see what it has in store for us.  We are hopeful that we can help a child in need while adding to our family.  I know it won't be easy.  If we do pursue it further, I fully expect that it will bring some sadness, some very hard situations, and quite possibly a lot of frustration.  We both have a lot of questions to ask, but we are feeling confident that this is the right step for our family at this time.  Please be in prayer as we turn down this new path.  Thanks as always for supporting our family with your positive thoughts, hopes, and prayers.  We are incredibly thankful!