Just Being a Mom

Today was spent just being a mom, and I can't think of a better way to have spent it. Mat made me breakfast, took me shopping for lots of flowers to plant, and grilled us dinner, and in between all that we just spent time together being with our son.

I don't think a Mother's Day will ever pass that I don't remember the many Mother's Days that my heart just longed to be a mommy, and I couldn't help but wonder if it would ever happen. I know there are many women that are still experiencing that longing. I am so incredibly thankful to have this beautiful boy in my life. His smile can melt my heart in seconds. Being a mommy is the absolute best job in the world. Of course it has its challenges and many a trying moments, but it is even better than I ever could have imagined. I never knew my heart could love like this. The old saying about, "You never understand the love your parents have for you until you have a child of your own," is so incredibly true.



Notice my flowers in the background? I had just got done planting them! I love this time of year. :) And, thanks to Steph for MJ's adorable shirt. I thought it was the perfect day for him to wear it!

Even though I was so happy to be with MJ today, it was quite a bittersweet today. Besides missing my Grandma and hearing her voice on this holiday, and knowing that my mom's heart was aching as she missed her, we were also suffering the loss of a second baby. Yes, another miscarriage for us. There's no sugarcoating it...it sucks! One miscarriage was rough, two is even tougher. I don't know how women go through this over and over. It's just draining physically, emotionally, hormonally..everything! The circumstances this time were much different. We had only known I was pregnant for about a week. I knew quite early on that I was pregnant. The symptoms were pretty clear and I just had that feeling. Unfortunately a little less than a week into it, some things were making me really feel like something was just not right. After some blood work we were told the pregnancy was not viable, and sure enough on Saturday I began to lose the pregnancy. Nice way to spend Mother's Day weekend, huh? I am so thankful that it is happening on it's own this time and I will avoid another surgery and the long drawn out timetable that that entire experience was, but the pain is still quite rough. I am faced with many emotions right now, including anger. I won't bother going into it all on here, but we ask for your prayers during this time. Please pray for our strength to heal and move forward. I was comforted by this poem today, and wanted to share it here. I certainly hope it is the truth.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked “What makes a Mother?”
And I know I heard Him say.

“A Mother has a baby”
This we know is true
“But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby’s not with you?”

“Yes, you can,” He replied
With confidence in His voice
“I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there’s no need to stay.”

“I just don’t understand this God
I want my baby to be here.”
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

“I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child’s smile,
With all the other children and say…

‘We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come strait here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow’s where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don’t be sad today,
I’m your baby and I’m here.’

“So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they’ll stay.

They’ll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson’s through.
And on the day that you come home
they’ll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart
it’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

Though some on earth may not realize,
you are a Mother.
Until their time is done.
They’ll be up here with Me one day
and know that you are the best one!”


Thank you to my own mom for the many sacrifices you have made for me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, nurturing me, supporting me, and being my best friend. You are amazing, and I am honored to be your daughter.

I hope all the women in my life had a wonderful Mother's Day! :)