In a one month time span, we had three weddings in St. Louis! It all worked out pretty well with our house being for sale and our move, that we were able to be in town for all 3 weddings. We began in late June with the wedding of Amanda, Mat's cousin. She had a gorgeous wedding at the Lake of the Ozarks. Not only was the wedding lots of fun, but we made a weekend trip out of it and joined most of the Keyes Gang down at the Lake. Mat's Uncle Jerry and Aunt Debbie were sweet enough to offer to share their cabin with us, along with their children. Grandma and Grandpa Keyes and the rest of the aunts and uncles and cousins were all in surrounding cabins. It made for good cookouts, playing with cousins, fishing, and pool time. A couple highlights include MJ catching his very first fish on his own, Charlotte falling into the swimming pool with out floaties on and me jumping in after her (with Cooper and my cell phone in my pocket..aghh), the family getting to love on Grandpa and Grandma (Grandpa had just recently been in the hospital), and of course seeing the beautiful bride on her wedding day. So thankful we could be there!
A little pre-wedding fishing...MJ's first fish!
My handsome big boy at the lake
Grandma Keyes with two of her great grandsons. MJ felt like quite the big boy trying to hang with the big cousins a bit. He stayed at the wedding reception till 10PM, which was quite the feat for him!
Charlotte with the beautiful bride, Amanda and cousin Andrea. If you couldn't tell, she was eating up all the attention just a bit.
The wedding photographer actually captured this photo, and I loved how MJ was showing off his baby brother to his cousin, Lily. He's so proud. MJ and Lily always play so cute together. They liked to chase each other around!
We were all so glad that grandpa could make it to the lake for the weekend and enjoy the wedding. He was quite the trooper and really wore himself out, but he seemed to really enjoy having the family together. He's such a good grandpa, and I loved capturing him and Mat in conversation.
Our second wedding was to the reception of Mat's cousin, Jeff. They actually had previously had a destination wedding, but had a beautiful reception in the Soulard area. For some reason I don't have a single picture, but I'm pretty sure it's because Mat and I went by ourselves!! No cute little ones to snap pictures of or chase around meant I was laid back and not documenting a thing obviously. It was a special night though for the obvious reason. Mat has always thought so highly of Jeff, and we are thrilled to see him so happy with Anna. She seems like such a great girl and wonderful addition to the family! Mat and I offered to drive Grandma and Grandpa to the wedding reception, and I'm so glad they took us up on it. It allowed us to have a little special time with just them. Good memories!
Our last wedding of mid-July was for Mat's sister, Kelly. Our whole family was so honored to participate in Kelly and Allison's beautiful wedding. We are so happy Kelly has found her partner in Allison. They complement each other so well, and it was wonderful to get to be a part of their special day. Their ceremony was intimate and special, and being the very brave souls that they are, they incorporated ALL of their nieces and nephews into the ceremony. It kicked my anxiety into high gear, but everything went off without a hitch. It was pretty stinkin' adorable! It made me a bit sad that we don't get to spend more time with this side of Mat's family. His sisters played such a special part in his childhood and particularly his adolescent years. When they're all back together, it's like no time has passed. Our kids just adore all the attention Kelly and Allison shower them with of course, too!
Jessica, Kelly, and Mat getting ready for the big day
We clean up every once in awhile
The whole fam decked out and ready for the wedding!
Aunt Jessica made these adorable onesie tuxedos for the three baby boys that were in the wedding. Cooper was adorable!
My girl and I. She was a total girly girl and enjoyed every minute of the wedding festivities.
One of those rare special and beautiful pictures that I couldn't create myself if I tried. I love when they're sweet when they think no one is watching.
Just look at these little heartbreakers making their way down the aisle
Not only did Allison and Kelly include each of their nieces and nephews, but also each of their siblings and spouses. It was truly a family wedding! Us four couples had quite a bit of fun as their wedding party!
Kelly and Allison bring out the silliness in us all
Total reality...love it! Kelly's arms so full, boys everywhere, one crying on the side...ha!
Just a little peek of how the night went down! Aunt Kelly can dance!!! The kiddos actually all left before the reception (thanks mom and dad for taking them home), and we had a wonderful adults-only meal at the reception, beautiful speeches, an awesome serenade to Allison, and then the dancing began! Such a great night. One funny side note that I'll always remember is having to totally take down my bridesmaid dress to pump throughout the night. It was quite the ordeal but so worth it.
I feel like I'm so far behind in blogging, that it's kind of even pointless to try to catch up, My poor little Cooper is going to be used as an excuse, but I'm playing the "3rd Child Card" one more time and admitting that somehow ever since becoming a mom of 3, I just can't keep up with everything quite as well (or sorta well) as I used to. This move, although it was a super exciting one, really wore me out, and once we finally got here, I really just wanted to embrace the time with my family. So, we've been living life, and enjoying it, and then I'm typically too tired to then document it. So, I'm trying to cut myself some slack, and be more in the moment and not so concerned with documenting every moment. With that being said though, I do enjoy recording some favorite memories that my children will one day enjoy looking back on, our friends and family from afar can enjoy, and my sappy self can relive as well.
There's no way I can catch up with everything I haven't documented over the last several months, and I also know there's no way I'll do as good of job with the blog as I once did years ago, but as I hear my son's kindergarten teacher say "Just do your best, and move on!" So that's what I'm doing.
Before jumping in with some bigger moments, a crazy quick summary of big events since my regular blogging:
Although I'd posted that our house was under contract, it fell through unfortunately. It was a super sad situation and we ended up taking the house off the market right before our move. We were blessed with renters, who seem to take good care of the house. We'll be doing some upgrades and listing it again late summer of 2015. Lets all pray it sells this time!
We spent a lot of time in STL this summer for weddings of various family members (Amanda Keyes, Jeff Gross, and Kelly York), and then also again in between our move from Iowa to FL. Mom and dad were so gracious to be welcoming to us for so long. We were able to enjoy some time with friends as well as family, which was very special knowing we were moving away and wouldn't be able to visit as frequently.
Mat drove our moving truck to FL, God bless him, and arrived a few days before the kids and I. He was sweet enough to paint the kid's rooms for them in order for it to feel special and welcoming for them. Their rooms were all set up when we arrived. Mom and I drove the kids down. We made it within just a couple hours and then had a blowout on the highway. Thank God no one was hurt, and besides being shaken up emotionally, all was okay in the end.
We spent the end of July and beginning of August settling in our new home. We are renting a great home in St. Augustine, in a neighborhood that we love. We enjoyed the pools A LOT those first couple months especially, MJ even taking swimming lessons there, and learning how to swim! Visiting beaches, trying some new restaurants, being outdoors, and just enjoying our new home took most of our time. We were all in much need of some rest and downtime!
We then settled into the new school year with Mat beginning his job at Florida State College-Jacksonville and MJ at kindergarten at Wards Creek Elementary!
Yes, I know my blog is so behind, but my heart is heavy tonight, which turns to writing as an outlet, so I'll play catch up another time. Here goes what's weighing on my mind...
Five years.It sounds
like a long time.If you told me I
couldn’t talk to a loved one, use my iPhone, or listen to music for five years,
it would sound like an eternity.But yet
somehow, I blinked, and five years passed. Wasn’t it just yesterday I was having
contractions wondering “Is this the real thing?” He’s not a newborn, not a
toddler, and now not even my preschooler anymore. Now he’s
going off to kindergarten.It’s
kindergarten; it’s not college.Why am I
so emotional?Am I really being THAT
mom?The moms that I watched, when I was
a teacher myself, and thought “seriously?” Yep, I think I’ve become her.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want MJ to go off
to kindergarten.There have been days
when I felt like it couldn’t come soon enough.I am SO excited for him.I know
he’s going to learn, grow, develop, make friends, gain confidence, and so much
more. He needs the routine and structure, and I look forward to being able to dedicate more
special time to the two little ones. I
know all that.Every logical part of my
brain is happy, excited and thankful we even have this healthy child to send
off to school.But then there’s this
knot in my stomach and ache in my heart that just isn’t quite ready to share him
with the world.Not quite ready to
expose his fragile heart to all the cruelness that society can bring into our
schools.Yes, he’s done preschool since
he was two. It’s not like he’s never been away from home.But it was so minimal, and so Montessori (ie
so loving, gentle, and low pressure).This is different.This is him
away for HOURS in a new building (not to mention a new city and state) that I’m
not very familiar with.He’s not under
my watch the majority of the day anymore.I won’t know the words people speak to him, if he uses his manners, if
he eats all of (or any of) his food.I’m
NOT IN CONTROL.I think that’s the
stabbing feeling.He’s my baby, but
somehow I have to release him and trust the world with him.I no longer call the shots. Thank goodness I
believe God will be surrounding him with HIS love and mercy.
I hope he’s ready.MJ
is such a gentle and kind boy.I think
he’s ready to embrace new friends and learn new things.I am so incredibly proud of all that he is
and who he is.He’s timid though.He doesn’t like to try new things unless he
thinks he’ll be great at it.Did I
prepare him enough?Will he be behind
the other children?Will he catch on
quickly and soar?I remember being
pregnant with him and thinking of how much I’d work with him during those
toddler years.I unexpectedly became a
part time stay at home mom; surely I’d have no excuse.He’d be reading early, and I’d be putting all
my teacher skills to use, right?After
all, I was a Teacher of the Year District Finalist when he was in my womb, so
surely I had this down pat, right?Hmmph…Life happened.I read to him LOTS, played games, took him
places, and helped foster a love for learning, but there were no flash cards,
few learning websites, and no real forced practice of any skills.If he didn’t want to, I never pushed it.Instead I cuddled him and showered him with
kisses.It seemed perfect at the time,
and I really don’t regret it one bit, but hopefully it was enough.As a teacher, I remember one of my
administrators saying “These parents are sending us their best.They’re not keeping the good ones at home and
sending the worst.They are sending
their best.”I remember that really
tugging at my heart, but I’m not sure I fully got it until now.As parents, we do our best.We try our hardest, in the way that we know
how, and we hope that we send them off to school ready to learn and love.Tomorrow, I’m sending off my best.
I have prayed over the selection of MJ’s teacher.You see, I always envisioned that I’d be
teaching elementary school, and that my children would one day come to the
school where I would teach.I’d
practically hand pick their teachers and feel great about the choices.But again, life happened.Things changed, and those are not our
circumstances.Instead, I’m in a brand
new school district, and about to send my baby to complete strangers.Those life changes allowed me so much sacred
time with MJ during his early years, and I have no regrets, but once again it’s
that uncomfortable feeling of relinquishing control and doing so in a situation
where I truly am having to put my trust and faith in others.I am confident though. We are in the highest ranked school district
in the state, a wonderful learning facility that I could’ve only dreamt of for
MJ, and a teacher who comes so highly recommended.Please let her love him, treasure him, and
believe in him.
In my head, I’ve written a letter to her several times over
the last few days.I will never give it
to her because I can’t be THAT mom, but in my heart it goes like this…
Dear Mrs. Kenyon,
I am so excited to have you as MJ’s kindergarten
teacher.I have prayed that he would be
placed with a teacher that was the best fit for him possible, and I am
confident that is you.I know you will
have a classroom full of 18 students, and that you have a classroom full of
students that come and go each year.Still,
I believe that you will love, care for,
and teach my son,but I want to be sure
you know that I am sending you my best.
“For this child I have prayed…”It’s a scripture verse of which I’m sure you’re
familiar.But seriously, for this child
I HAVE PRAYED.There were many months, that turned into years, where I never thought
there would even be a child.I begged, I
cried, and I prayed, and finally after five years and a journey too long to
detail in this letter, this child was born.There was elation, there were tears, and there was more begging.You see, they told us he may not survive
those first 24 hours.It was dark, so
very dark. For this child, I have PRAYED.This was shocking, this was fear gripping, but then there was good news,
and our boy made it.He was a
fighter.We left the NICU, and they told
us that he seemed to be so very healthy but we’d just have to wait and see how
he’d develop.There could be problems
that arise during his developmental milestones or once he gets to school.I shook my head thinking that was the very
least of my concern.My baby was here,
my baby was alive, and I was taking him home.He rolled, he crawled, he walked (quite early even), and he was so very
perfect.Any lingering fears subsided,
and I was oh so grateful.But now we’re
here.Now we’re entering kindergarten,
and those words, that cautious tone, and that fear I thought was gone is back
in the pit of my stomach.I’m sending
you my best, Mrs. Kenyon.For this
child, I have prayed.For his teachers,
I will pray.I beg of you to love him
(and us) and want so very much for him, even if just half as much as we
do.
I’ve been a teacher myself.I know there will be days you are so weary.You’ll be tired, overworked, underpaid, and
weighed down by the politics of teaching.Please teach your heart out anyways.I know MJ will ask you 100 questions a day and you’ll probably want to
silence him.Please take a deep breath
and find a way to encourage his curiousity.I know my son will be stubborn at times, messy, silly, and
distracted.Please guide him and shape
him anyways.I know he may overreact,
cry, or seem sensitive.Please be firm
yet tender with him.We will support you
in all that you do.We are in your
corner, cheering for you, encouraging you ,and singing your praises.We are sending your our best and asking for
your best.Yes, I know it’s just
kindergarten, but for this child I have prayed.Please love him and teach him for the blessing and miracle I know him to
be.
Well, clearly I stink at blogging lately. I'm cutting myself some slack though and not offering any apologies. Truth is, mama has been living life! I've been enjoying these kiddos, making memories, working, and oh yea...trying to sell a house and prepare for a cross country move. Being busy is an understatement, so here's a quick recap: After my last blog, I learned not to put anything in writing until it's official. The contract on the house fell through. MAJOR disappointment because we've yet to receive another offer. This has been a huge stress. We are moving in just three days now and the house is still on the market. Perhaps we were incredibly naive to believe we'd sell so easily. I have such pride in our house as well as some emotional attachment. I have prayed that a family will purchase it that will love it, like we do, and look forward to their own memories in it. It just hasn't happened yet, though. We are debating our options right now, and I'll leave it at that until I know more.
In happier news: we move very soon, the kids are nice and healthy, Cooper is growing and changing so much, and we've had lots of wonderful family time lately. I look forward to posting some pictures and recapping some fave memories in the weeks to come. For now though, I'm giving myself some grace and realizing that blogging will probably just be behind for awhile. Life happens...
One thing is for sure: We never lead a dull, boring life. Just when things seem somewhat status quo, there is a change headed our way. Once again, we have a new bend in our road and are going to be relocating to Florida!
When we originally left Florida in 2009, it was a VERY hard move for me. I was at a point where I was very settled in my job, career in general, home, friends, etc. and certainly didn't imagine moving. Mat had a great career opportunity though, and we made the decision to move to Iowa for him to pursue a career in college teaching. It was with the understanding that he would gain some experience here, continue his education most likely, and then be able to be a bit more marketable and move on elsewhere (hopefully either back to FL or to MO). Well, he ended up loving it here at Loras, we settled into Dubuque and enjoyed it as a great town to raise our family in. Not to mention it didn't end up working out as easily for him to continue his education here. We were beginning to think that Dubuque might be where we were meant to be long term, hence why we bought this house and spent so much time and money fixing it up.
Mat has always continued to keep an eye out for jobs that sounded appealing either in MO or FL though. Despite a couple possibilities in MO over the last couple years, nothing ever amounted to much or seemed more appealing than what he was already doing, so we were getting more and more settled into Dubuque. I must admit though that Dubuqe has never truly felt like "HOME" to me. I have found many great qualities in it, and I do believe it's been a great city to have our children in and think I could be happy continuing here. Something has just kept me from fully connecting though and the winters are just brutal. I don't like them and can't imagine spending decades enduring the harsh temps and snow. This winter was especially tough and even had Mat dying for a warmer climate. It was almost uncanny how right after the New Year there were suddenly a few job opportunities in Florida that Mat was qualified for. One in particular really stood out as a job he was extremely qualified for and sounded very appealing. It was for Assistant Professor of Financial Services at Florida State College-Jacksonville. He applied for this job as well as a couple others, but had a really strong feeling about this particular job. About a month after applying he was contacted for a phone interview. Shortly there after they asked him to fly down for an on-campus interview, and within days he was offered the position! It all happened relatively fast, and was very exciting yet nerve wracking.
Overall, we are SO excited for this opportunity. We are thrilled to be heading back to Florida, to be able to live close to Jeff once again, and hopefully have my parents down there one day once they are able to semi retire. It's bittersweet and challenging though as well. I have felt quite tired and stretched thin as is already. The idea of a huge move sent my anxiety through the roof! Not to mention I have finally in the last year felt like I've made some good friends here in Dubuque, and I also hate to see MJ go through a big transition right before starting kindergarten. On the flip side though, this move comes at a good time so that MJ can in fact move and make new friends now rather than later once he's formed more school friendships. It's also at a good time in Mat's career before he were to go go through the tenure process at his current job next year. I know the next couple months are going to be challenging and tiring, but I feel like if we can get through this, we can really get settled into a nice family lifestyle once again, and I overall feel that this will be a great opportunity for our family. We have a great feeling about the area and school district that we will be moving to. The job Mat is taking will allow for even more time at home and family time. We are extremely excited to be able to spend a lot more time with Jeff and look forward to being closer to some friends in FL as well.
I'm nervous about starting over in a city that's new to us though, and we'd love your prayers for a smooth transition for our family. We have sold both our homes in Dubuque. We closed on one already and are set to close on the other on June 2nd. We will then be staying in St. Louis for a month before moving down to Jacksonville. Lots of changes ahead!
Little Cooper has been with us for a half of a year already! Hard to believe this little cutie is 6 months old already. He was smiling big for his 6 month picture.
This picture wasn't the best quality, but I just loved his laugh. He couldn't stop giggling for me. :)
Cooper is now rolling all over the place. He prefers rolling to being contained for very long. He likes to roll over to the recliners and then wedge himself underneath it and cry until you rescue him. Ha! I don't think that we will see him sitting on his own during this 6th month. He will with help, but once you let him go, he's pretty content to just lay or roll around.
He sits upright in his Bumbo and has been eating most of his meals like this. Besides nursing every 3-4 hours, he's now eating baby food 1-2x/day. He loves about any fruit he's tried as well as sweet potatoes and carrots. He also likes the little baby puffs and has now began trying a sippy cup with water. I don't think he's managed to drink much, but he's starting to learn the purpose of it. Last night, he began feeding himself puffs for the very first time. This is one of my personal favorite milestones. Ha! Seriously though, a mama can accomplish a lot in the time it takes a baby to self feed a few puffs.
He continues to love bath time, and is now sitting on the infant/toddler side of his baby bath tub. He loves to splash and wiggle around. I remember how MJ used to just scream and scream when we'd take him out of the bath, but Cooper continues with the smiles and giggles most times and seems to love getting lotioned up and dressed in cozy jammies.
At six months, Cooper is continuing to wake during the nights at least once. He's quite inconsistent, and just when I think we're getting into a pattern, it changes. Once a night I can handle, but there are the occasional nights he wakes 3x, and that is quite hard, especially on the days where I have to be up early for work the next morning! He is always sleeping in his crib at night time now, and he does most naps in his crib as well but still has the occassional nap in his swing. This kid loves to nurse, and I think is very comforted by it. Our house is rather busy and full of noise from the other kiddos, so in a way I can sense that it's his quiet, comforting time just with mommy. As much as I'd like my sleep, I do treasure that time, and know that all too soon it will be gone. He goes to sleep wonderfully on his own at night as well as in the middle of the night after waking to eat, so luckily we've got that going for us!
First time riding upright in a stroller
I bought this stroller last year with the vision of having Charlotte and Cooper riding side by side for lots of walks, zoo trips, etc. We finally had some nice weather during April and were able to put it to use with these two! MJ rode his bike alongside us and it worked out perfectly! I can't wait for the weather to warm up again and stay warm, so we can take walks more consistently!
Cooper was a happy little guy waiting on Dr. Scott for his 6 month appointment. This also served as his hospital stay follow-up appointment. Cooper seems to be doing pretty well. I've had a couple little concerns regarding his breathing and this choking/coughing type sound he does from time to time. The doctor ordered another lung X-ray just to be sure his lungs were clear, and while they weren't perfect, she said it wasn't something she would treat with antibiotics. Overall, it was good news. She does think that he may just have enlarged adenoids, and it might be something we'll have to look into further and/or deal with in the future. We would need to consult with an ENT to further diagnose this. Otherwise, Cooper checked out quite well. He's growing and developing right on track. His current 6 month stats are: 18.7 pounds (60%), 27.5 inches in length (78%) and head circumference of 44.5cm (65%).
Our little Super Cooper turned 5 months old on March 11th. I'm squeezing in the 5 month update just in the nick of time as we're quickly reaching the 6 month milestone in just a few more days. Cooper's 5th month started off great. He was a happy little guy full of smiles, and this mama couldn't get enough of snapping pics of him!
At the beginning of five months old Cooper was enjoying his feet! As you can see in both pics, he's reaching for those little piggies. Now he really enjoys putting them in his mouth, too. He'd begun rolling easily in both directions now too. No more walking away from him lying on the bed! He's such a drooler and is constantly putting his fists or fingers in his mouth. No sign of any teeth though yet. During the day, he's nursing every few hours and still waking 1-2 times at night to eat as well. He recently got a Jumperoo, and he LOVES bouncing in it! He really enjoys being talked to and tickled, and he has the best little belly laugh. We also began trying a little whole grain oatmeal with him at the beginning of five months. We only tried it a few days and weren't noticing much difference with his sleep, and it seemed to be bothering his tummy a bit, so we backed off for a couple weeks. Since then we've tried a few basic solids like avocadoes, prunes, sweet potatoes, and bananas. He's not overly interested yet, but some attempts are better than others.
I just love the curiosity on his face in this picture!
The rest of this post will probably be long winded and overly lengthy. Feel free to pass on by, but I wanted to recall much of the details to document...
It seemed like it came on out of nowhere, but looking back, I can kind of see the signs that Cooper was slowly getting sick. But suddenly one day he was running a fever. I gave him some Tylenol and didn't think too much of it at first. He was still acting fine, and I figured maybe it was a sign that a tooth was coming, and just gave him some extra cuddles. The fever kept getting higher though, he was quite sleepy, and both Mat and I separately noticed that his breathing was seeming really heavy. Although he still seemed in good spirits, I decided to give the pediatrician's office a call just to be safe. With him being so little still and having a high fever, I wanted to be a bit more cautious, and Mat encouraged me to call for their opinion as well. They suggested we bring him in that evening to take a look at him. Mat was due to leave town the next day for work, so I was happy to go ahead and take him in that evening without having to take the other kiddos with me.
This was poor Cooper as we were waiting for the doctor, and by this time it was apparent that he was rapidly getting worse. His fever was getting higher and higher (look at those poor red cheeks), and his smiles and coos had faded to whimpers and frowns. Long story short, they tested him for RSV and influenza and both came back negative. The doctor was trying to avoid putting him through a chest xray, but with those all tests coming back negative, that's exactly where she sent us off to next. Chest xrays with little ones are not fun. We had to do one with MJ when he was a babe and had RSV. Mat and I were both there at that time, and I had to step out of the room and let Mat be the one to stay with him. This time though, I was flying solo and had to put my big girl pants on. The first chest Xray didn't turn out well though, and so we had to repeat the whole procedure. NOT FUN. My first babe to have pneumonia..poor guy, but feeling so relieved that I brought him in. It was off to pick up some antibiotics and then get my baby home for some much needed sleep by this time. He was exhausted and fell asleep as soon as we got in the car.
The next day, he didn't seem much better, but we were trying to be patient and give the antibiotics some time to do their magic. Mat and I quickly debated whether or not he should leave on his work trip, which involved a 7.5 hour drive to Ohio, and neither option seemed like a great one, so we went ahead with his trip as planned. By late afternoon I was concerned that his fever was still staying high, and he was sounding much worse. The doctor had called to check on him and give me some more test results from the previous night, and I mentioned my concerns to her. She suggested bring him back in that night for a shot of another antibiotic that should help his lungs heal a bit faster. I snapped this pic on the way. He was certainly showing a few faint smiles, but his eyes just looked sooo tired and he looked so warm. It was obvious the poor guy was uncomfortable. I had to bring all 3 kids with me that evening, but they did quite well, and the office staff was great about helping distract them with lots of stickers. Ha!! We were there much longer than I'd anticipated though, and I could tell she was worried about him. She decided to switch him to a different antibiotic and sent us home finally, but asked me to call her in 48 hours with an update.
This was the next day though, and this mama's heart was breaking! Something just didn't seem right, and I wasn't feeling too comfortable in waiting an additional day to see if he hopefully improved. He was no longer able to eat. He seemed to want to nurse, but every time he tried he was just so gurgly and would choke. It was like he couldn't breathe and eat at the same time, yet his congestion seemed more like in his throat rather than his nose or chest. It was hard to explain over the phone, but I called the nurse back and asked if she had any suggestions of how I could help him successfully eat. I tried her couple ideas, but she was sure to tell me to bring him back in if I felt like he was really struggling.
I shot this video of how Cooper was sounding by that point, and I shared it with my mom and a couple close friends, one of whom is a former PICU nurse. She was so sweet to reply that she would come by and take a look at him. She was even up in the air as to whether I should take him back in or not. He was sleeping well and was in pretty good spirits, yet the not being able to eat was a growing concern. I listened to my mama gut, and made the decision to take him back in. I wasn't exactly sure what they'd be able to do to help, but I knew there had to be some way to provide him with some relief. MJ was at school, so I just had to take Charlotte with me.
I set him in his swing quickly, so I could get Charlotte and I ready to leave. He fell asleep looking like this and it was obvious my little guy was struggling. I wasn't quite sure what the next few hours would bring, but my gut told me it might not be good news.
I am not trying to be over dramatic, because I know kids are soooo much more sick than he was, and I can't even imagine all the things parents of really ill children have to see their child go through, and I pray that I never will, but those few hours were tough!! I admit that I am a total softy. Even when our kids have to get their regular immunizations, I prefer Mat be the one to hold them for that part. I enjoy scooping them up and giving them lots of cuddles, but I really hate to see them hurt and I struggle to be strong and brave for them. Well, having a 3rd child, I've had to suck it up. Logistically, it's just not possible for us to always both go to our kid's appointments together anymore. I've been the one to take Cooper for his shots, and I've surprised myself at doing just fine with it. But this day was different. Cooper was really struggling. He was burning up, whimpering, and gurgling the entire time. The retested him for RSV and influenza (neither are too pleasant for an already unhappy baby), did a nasal swab for other respiratory illnesses, then sent us off for blood work, then to xray where they had to do two rounds of chest xrays and two rounds of sinus and throat xrays. I know the xrays don't physically hurt him, but the contraption they put him in for chest xrays is not pleasant. He was screaming, and my job was to pin his arms above his head while also trying to hold his head steady. We had been through this just two nights prior and now again, and he was over it!
His blood work came back with an elevated white cell count, which was in line with an infection, but otherwise his levels were all good. The chest xray did show some pneumonia but nothing drastic or any worse than the other night. In the xray of this throat though, they did see what they thought was some inflammation. It was possible this could be from something as simple as crying and coughing, which he had certainly been doing, or it could be something much more serious like an abscess, which would require surgery. The only way to know for sure was with a head CT scan, so it was decided that Cooper would be admitted to the hospital.
By this time Cooper was very fussy because he was so tired and just wanted to sleep. Charlotte who had been an angel for hours was beginning to grow restless. I was dying to pump. Since Cooper hadn't been nursing all day I was quite uncomfortable by this point. And I was panicking that MJ was at school, needing a ride home, Charlotte was stuck at the hospital with me and in need of a ride home, and Mat was several hours away in Ohio. It had been too busy to communicate much with him, but I'd managed to tell him enough to know that he needed to leave and head home. I quickly started scrambling reaching out to a few friends to help me with the kids, and I was just amazed at every one's generosity in helping. It was so humbling and heartwarming.
We were admitted and shown to a room and then all of the registration questions took place and they began preparing Cooper's room. By this time, my friend Angie (the former PICU nurse) had shown to pick up Charlotte for me. I needed to run home quickly (thankfully we only live about a mile or two from the hospital) to pick up some clothes and a pack n play for her, and honestly I just needed a few minutes of a mental break. I knew Cooper was in good hands with her and the nurses there, so I left for about 20 minutes, and took Charlotte home with me to pack up her stuff. I knew they were about ready to put the IV in and honestly, I didn't think I could take watching another procedure that involved holding Cooper down crying and screaming. Thank God for a sweet friend who is a highly skilled nurse to step in for me. Seriously, she was a God send!
When I got back to the hospital, this is what I saw. Cooper was knocked out in Angie's arms and had the IV in his scalp, It immediately brought me to tears, but I quickly pulled it together. I remember MJ having one and thinking how awful they looked but yet knew that they really are often what's best and easiest for the baby. Apparently he fought it hard though and it took three nurses to hold him still enough to get it in. Think I'm glad I didn't witness that one.
After this, Angie left and took Charlotte home with her. I'd found another friend, Anne, to take MJ for the night (her son and MJ are classmates and best buds), so I was feeling good knowing that both big kids were taken care of. Now it was waiting time for Cooper's CT scan. He had to be a certain number of hours without any food, so we just had to wait. Luckily he slept most of the time, but the times he would wake, he was super fussy.
The CT scan involved sedating Cooper, so I met with the anesthesiologist, who explained the procedure to me. He was the one who also gave me a bit more detail on exactly what it was that they'd be looking for. It was called a retropharyngeal abscess, and although I still didn't know much detail, I gathered that it could potentially be quite serious.
Once it was time, they wheeled Cooper and I down to the floor where the CT would be done. I stayed with him until they were ready to sedate him. Then, I had to wait out in the hallway, but they let me back in as soon it was over (probably only 15 min), and I even saw him as he began to wake. They handed him off to me and wheeled us off to recovery. We were only in there a brief time while they monitored his vitals, and then the returned us to his room. By the time we were arriving to his room, the pediatrician was already on the phone with the wonderful news that there was no abscess! Hallelujah! This meant no surgery, and that Cooper could finally eat, if he was able to. He was able to take a little pumped milk in a bottle and nurse just a bit.
He was suddenly looking much happier after a little milk in his belly. The doctor had decided that we needed to stay overnight to monitor Cooper and repeat blood work in the morning, so it was time to get Cooper cozy and try to get some rest for the night. We still had a few hours until Mat would arrive, and I thought Cooper was out and that I might get some sleep.
Although he looked peaceful all propped up, it didn't last long, and the only way Cooper would sleep that night was in my arms. Mat arrived around 10:30PM and spent some time with us. Cooper really perked up and seemed happy and alert then. He even was able to nurse some. Mat left around midnight to go home and get some rest, and Cooper and I settled into the recliner for some dozing off and on that night. Between the nurses checking his vitals, changing his IV bags, his general discomfort or needing to eat, there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on, but we made it through the night and I think both definitely enjoyed all the snuggles. I took this video of him snoring though. Seriously, he sounded like an old man. Can you believe a five month old can snore like this?!
Mat arrived early the next morning in hopes to be there for the doctor's rounds, and he brought some much needed relief for me. Cooper was just as happy to sleep in Daddy's lap, too! The doctor was pleased with Cooper's blood work and improvement in his vitals, but wanted to keep Cooper the remainder of the day to watch him. He said if he was able to eat and continue to keep his vitals good, he'd most likely be able to go home that night. I headed home for a shower finally, since it had been two days (haha!) and a little power nap, grabbed some lunch, and headed back home to the hospital.
Cooper was still snoozing on Daddy. He was one tired boy!
By that afternoon though he was starting to perk up again, was doing a little better with eating, and vitals were staying promising. He was even content to lay in the crib and play a little bit. This was a first in days. The doctor had checked in with the nurses and decided he was okay to go home that evening. Mat had left to go pick up MJ from preschool and be home for Angie to return Charlotte home. He was anxious to see the big kids, and we were excited knowing Cooper would be able to come home later that evening.
I was dreading this though. I knew that IV had to come out, and the nurses kept checking it and discussing it. Their nervousness about it wasn't making me feel overly optimistic. I would have preferred to step out for this part, but they'd asked me to help in holding his arms down. All the tape that was on there to keep it in place was the worst. They used some adhesive remover that seemed to really help, but it was quite the process. Then, the catheter was stuck to the tape and came out quickly before they were ready, and it bled A LOT! Not so fun to watch, but luckily it stopped within about five minutes, and he quickly calmed down.
Back to napping and waiting for the final go-ahead to head home! We got home that evening about 6:30. It was such a good feeling to have everyone at home together again. I know it was only one night, but it felt SO strange with us all being in separate places. I felt like a happy mother hen having all my chicks back under one roof.
The next day Cooper had a bath to try to remove all the sticky residue. He really enjoys his baths, and that time was no exception. Then it was cozy jammies, swaddled up and in his swing. The next few days were spent just doing a lot of sleeping!!
Within a couple of days, he was gaining more energy, becoming more playful, and giving lots of smiles. So thankful we were to see our happy boy again!
Love seeing those smiles and hearing this belly laugh once again!
